The One Where I Wrap Up

It’s my last day in the office today. Today is that day, every year where I reflect. I’m doing it simply this year…Simply, for a lot of reasons…

1. It has been a year of love.

2. It has been a year of home. Real, true home, in every sense of the word. I have not travelled much at all this year, aside from a quick trip to Cape Town, and another one next week.

3. It has been a year of growing up.

4. It has been a year of loss.

5. It has been a year of being proud of the people I love.

6. It has been a year of hard work.

7. It has been a year of coming full circle, via a 360-kickflip of life.

8. It has been a year of learning how to sleep.

9. It has been a year of ranting but, for a change, I mostly ranted to someone. I love that man of mine.

10. It has been a year of gratitude.

11. It has been a year of Androidness.

12. It has been a year of being able to trust.

Thank you for this year.

Dear Cameron, on New Beginnings

Dear Cameron,

I realise it’s almost hard to believe, looking at you now but, once upon a time, not so long ago, you were the shy kid. Yep, really. The hide-behind-mom’s-skirt type, who very seldom answered a question posed by anyone other than someone you already knew.

You inherited your shyness from both your parents. Both of us are chronically shy and cover it up in different ways. I was hugely shy at your age. Horribly insecure and constantly nervous. I reckoned, as you grew, that you were just like me. That both scared me and comforted me simultaneously. I had readied myself for the “your child really needs to feel secure at all times” school reports. I’ve been accustomed to the cling, and was mentally prepared for teacher’s probing as to why you clammed up so easily. That’s not the case any more.

It’s sometimes hard for me to believe that that same kid is in fact you. You. You who, without a second thought to me today, ran off to play at your new school. You who had made friends within thirty seconds flat, and who quite happily settled herself into her new classroom, without so much as a backwards glance in my direction.

It used to be that if an adult asked you your name, I’d have to answer, and fill in with a “she’s really quite shy”. Nowadays, you’re telling your new teacher who you are all on your own, with pride and confidence. You’re zooming off to play with other children, and you’re inviting yourself into the lives of people around you.

It used to take you exactly 42 minutes before you would even greet someone new who we met, or one of mommy’s friends. That time is well over.

Best of all, you’ve become a brilliant judge of character, knowing exactly who you like, immediately. It’s funny really, because you and I like the same kind of people.

I’ve watched you emerge from your shell. I know it’s because of the love you are surrounded with. Your school has given you so much love, your teachers have encouraged you in every way, and your family have celebrated every single success with you. Moreover, I know it’s the result of our life together opening up to more people around us, and you and I both know exactly who to thank for that. *insert our secret handshake and wink*

I’m proud of you, my Cam. Of all the things I have done with this life thus far, it’s you that makes me well up with pride.

Well done, my little nunu. Onto new beginnings, and I know in my heart, you’re stepping forward with a smile on your face and a strong spirit.

Thank you, again, for choosing me to be your mama.

Love,

Mama.

moments of pride.

Image courtesy of my friend, Karen Lotter (we were made in the 'same factory', you know :D)

1. When my mom said, yesterday, whilst her and Cam and I were cuddled up on her bed, reading the Three Little Pigs:

“you’re a strict mom. you’re raising a good kid, well. Cammie is the sweetest little thing”.

2. bursting into tears when I heard that Shmooshy‘s hard work paid off and he won 🙂 //and, i’m no damn public crier. just saying// I love you, my immensely clever, fantastically talented partner in crime.

3.  this tweet.

4. #Camsays: “Mama, I’m a big girl. I didn’t cry when you had to go out. I stayed with my friend (Cam’s amazing, wonderful babysitter and one of my best friends) but, my favourite part was when you came home. I love you, Mama. Let’s cuddle and sleep!”

5. My amazing friends. Who, even at 3am, have my back all the way. Even when I am so tired that I say really, really dumb things. At least they’re hilarious, dumb things.

sundaze.

Dear Cam,

Mama is so proud of you. Singing so loudly and dancing like the music shot straight out of your soul.

Your confidence, your love, your complete exuberance at every day.

I cried my little head off at your play on Friday. My pride and my gratitude that you chose me to be your mama is beyond the stars. I thank you, my little girl who saved my life and my heart.

***

Dear Shmooshy,

Thank you. It’s Sunday night and I’m sitting here smiling telepathically at you. You know full well I never expected you. You are my favourite surprise. I didn’t know Christmas was coming early this year. Hehe. Thank you for the sunshine and the peace. For the hilarious Team Sunburn (TM) tans and phenomenal laughter. Thank you for squeezing my hand, just when I didn’t even know I needed it. Thank you for your courage, and your brilliant talking to yourself like I do. Like I am right now, writing this. Thank you for being magnificent in a fragile world. Thank you for being okay with me writing this. And for reading it, like I know you are.

***

Dear whoever’s reading this right now,

Thank you friends for dancing with me in this lilac space of smiles. If you were a Facebook status, I’d click “like”. If you were a tweet, I’d re-tweet you. And if you were in my house I would make you tea.

My life is an awesome 360 kickflip. And I’m so thankful that I got on the skateboard.