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sea.ess.em.jay

notes from underneath the table

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Today’s the Day.

No further motions to defend can be filed. I didn’t expect a fight, much less welcome one. But you know that hopeful weird sprite that doesn’t quite give up? Yeah, she was still talking at 4am this morning when I woke up. But, there it is. You did not fight. Neither did I. And while […]
The Playlist From Underneath The Table [The Divorce Edition]

Around the same time that we started to realise things were not going to turn out the way we planned, I started listening to music again. That must seem super-strange to read, but it is what it is. I’d been so focused on trying to find quiet for so long, that I had forgotten what […]
sometimes I just write things.

every single one of us has pain. what we do with it is what matters. some turn it into anger. some turn it into spite. some turn it into guilt and let it mould their minds over the landscape of their life. me, I turn it into determination. a determination to be happy, even when […]
You Never Really Think…

You never really think you’re going to get divorced, and then you kinda end up there, wondering how the things you (sensibly) planned for anyway, somehow ended up being the main plan, even when the main plan looked nothing like this. You make the In Case Plan, with your partner, all sensible and serious, yet […]
Your Thirteenth Birthday

[My daughter turns 13 today. Every year, I write her a letter. This one has been slightly modified for the public eye. She gets the original.] My darling girl, You’re thirteen. Thirteen! How did that happen, when you were – just a second ago – blowing bubbles and finding fairies in the garden? I feel […]

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