I’ve been told, numerous times, by good-hearted and wellmeaning people, to get my child into beauty pageants. “You’ll make millions!”, they say. But that thought guts my throat and sends me into mamalioness mode. Bless them, a million times over, for seeing my child as beautiful, as I do. But…I’d never do it.
Now, let me just state a few things:
1) If you choose to do it, great. I hope your child is happy and does not feel pressure. Moreover, the moment your kid cries, I hope you high-tail it out of there and go play in the sandpit with them, whilst letting them roll around in the mud.
2) There is a distinct difference between throwing on a princess dress and romping around the garden looking for fairies, and spending twelve hours getting your kid to pose correctly and then gunning them with spray tan, to show off to a bunch of nobodies on a judging panel.
A personal reflection
When I was twelve, my folks (after I begged, pleaded and whined about it) sent me on a “deportment course”. In retrospect, I realise that it was a crock of crap, and for them, they were doing what I begged for them to do, because every other girl in my class was doing it, and I wanted to “be cool”. At the time, I was just sprouting little buds of bosoms and coming to terms with the idea that, one day soon, my menstrual cycle would begin. Now, twenty years later, I realise how much I totally despised the whole experience. It was promoted as a “self esteem” course, geared towards “creating wholesome youth with good self-confidence”.
If I look up the meaning of self-confidence in any dictionary, I cannot find a single reference to blowdrying my hair, painting my nails or making sure my shoes match my belt. No, really. Go on, please try. Then please tell me why 80 percent of what we covered in our “self esteem” course, focused on how we looked on the outside!?! Worse still, I wasn’t a particularly slim child. Not obese, but definitely carrying a little puppy fat. And, of course, the grand finale of the course – our graduation – was a fashion show. Nary a contestant got to speak or show their intelligence. Nah, we were taught to “walk on the ramp and smile”.
I see now, very clearly, that my twelve year old self was just trying to do what was “cool”. And my folks, bless them, they clapped and smiled their way through our “graduation”. It was only when we got home that my mom said “what did you think of the whole thing?” And I said…”I didn’t know there’d be a winner at the end of it?” Yes, really, at our graduation ceremony, a little girl was chosen as “number one”, and got a little tiara and sash. So much for instilling self-confidence in children, Right? RIGHT!?! (side note – there was even a little “Miss Personality” contest…I was told I “didn’t smile enough to win it” and the girl who won it? Oh, yeah, by the way, she battled anorexia in high school. Think about it).
My mom and I discussed it, years later. And I said to her “mom, thank you for making me squat, short and round in the middle. I don’t think I’d ever have coped with all that competitiveness. Not being tall, slim and athletic has saved me from having to endure that crap”.
When my daughter was born, I swore she’d never go through that. I made a commitment to myself, and her, that she’d have free reign to play dress up, fiddle with my make up and go off pretending she’s a princess all day. I swore too, that the moment some opportunity arose where she’d have to compete against other children, and be judged by a bunch of okes at a table, I’d stamp out that opportunity very quickly.
Personality
My child, like me, is a chronic introvert. Once you’re “in her circle of trust”, she’s all over you, like a cuddling, love-mad kitten. But, if she doesn’t know you, don’t expect her to just run up to you, jump in your lap and tell you how her day was. It won’t happen. She has battled blinding anxiety issues all her life, but she has overcome many of them, with time and trust. She does not bounce into someone new’s life and take them in. She is reserved and self-confident in her own way. She is not going to be bounding on to a stage any time soon and shaking her little booty for some oke taking pictures. No. I wouldn’t do that to her. When I see episodes of shows like Toddlers and Tiaras, I make a mental note of how many times the kids cry, scream or throw a tantrum. Every time, I secretly wish, that this is their parents’ wake up call. That, somehow, finally, sense will prevail and mama will go “Oh right, you hate doing this. You hate that I’m forcing you into a world of child objectification and teaching you that beauty is actually all about spray tan. Of course, you’re five and you would rather finger paint than waddle around trying to impress some bunch of twerps. Let’s go home and have ice cream”.
But, it never happens. I see parents cajoling their children, bribing them, and then yelling at them to “do as they are supposed to”. Sorry, idiotic parents, but five years old are “supposed to” be finger painting and learning about animals. They’re not meant to be worrying about whether or not their spray tan smudged.
The world at large
We live in a time of molestation, child sexual abuse and pornography. Now, I’m not stating outright that these are directly connected but, just think about it for a second. Pornography, by its very nature, objectifies the body (no matter who the body belongs to). What do child beauty pageants do? They objectify children’s bodies. Are you keen on objectifying your children’s body?
With the insanely high rates of molestation, abuse and pornography in the world, why on earth does anybody want to contribute to that kind of objectification? Why?
Why on EARTH do we have television shows about this? Why are we raising a generation of children, hellbent on matching up to some illusion of beauty? WHY are we normalising this crap through television!?!
A Final Thought
Melinda – a mom I seriously respect and admire – posted the video below recently. It summed up for me so much of what is disgusting about the child beauty pageant industry (I mean, the fact that there’s an industry around it is disgusting enough..). It says what I have been thinking for a long time, and I hope someone watches it today and changes their mind about signing their kid up for some stupid beauty pageant.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF3fp1VAaE8]