Tag: song of the day

A note to myself.

Today, I uncovered some things. Today, I realised I have a private battle with a few things I need to face. No, screw that, CONQUER.

Anyway, I wrote this little note to myself. I refuse to dissolve into a sweaty panic over this. I absolutely refuse.

1. You have the power to do this, and do it well.

2. You have the knowledge to make things happen, and you really need to trust yourself on this one.

3. You have to be disciplined to be kind. That may not always make sense to you, and it’s flipping hard but, it’s true.

4. You are way luckier than you have ever been, right now.

5. You have the power to make choices and take control. Make them, take it.

6. Own it, feel it and believe it.

7. This is what life is. There are no easy exit routes or sideways aversions. This is life at 31, and it’s yours. Isn’t that brilliant?

8. You have more choices than you’ve ever dreamt of. Amazing fact, hey?

9. You have the ability to work very hard. Work very hard. You know, best of all, the immense satisfaction you feel from working very hard.

10. Don’t be so afraid of speaking your truth. It’s hard for you, I know. But, seriously, people love you anyway and because of it.

11. Enjoy the little moments, you know the ones. Savour the smiles. Throw away the frowns.

12. Breathe and keep moving.

For this, I’ll need a Theme Song:

(and I don’t care if anyone thinks it’s lame).

Truth is, this video actually tells the story of my life as I see it right now. Honestly, no video has ever, ever summed up my life EVER. And this one does. I resolve to listen to this song every single day whilst I work away on this little battle.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1bcQMCZ5gU]

sotd for tuesday

it’s been a while since we’ve done one of these. I love this song. Very, very much. This song resounds to me the following memories:

  • Sitting in the back of Jo-anne’s car, the day she and Trac got their tattoos, and talking loudly, and they stopped everything, came over and gave me a hug. I was having a monumentally bad day and they lifted my world.
  • Standing in row at concert with my brother and he and I singing Sooooo badly along, whilst he air-guitared. Both times, both concerts. We shouldn’t do karaoke. Ever. Wah.
  • One night, aaaaaaaaaages ago, dancing like a mad person in the road i grew up in, with Jo and Trac. (fuck, i miss them, we’re all mothers now! when the hell did that happen!?! waha!)
  • It was playing in the store the day the twelve Rand man arrived. Waha.

Anyway, here it is:

SOTD: Run to the water – Live.

it’s as crazy as it’s ever been
love’s a stranger all around

in a moment we lost our minds here
and lay our spirit down
today we lived a thousand years
all we have is now

run to the water
and find me there
burnt to the core but not broken
we’ll cut through the madness
of these streets below the moon
these streets below the moon

and I will never leave you
’til we can say, “this world was just a dream
we were sleepin’ now we are awake”
’til we can say

in a moment we lost our minds here
and dreamt the world was round
a million mile fall from grace
thank god we missed the ground

run to the water
and find me there
burnt to the core but not broken
we’ll cut through the madness
of these streets below the moon
with a nuclear fire of love in our hearts

yeah, I can see it now lord
out beyond all the breakin’ of waves
and the tribulation
it’s a place and the home of ascended souls
who swam out there in love!

run to the water
and find me there
burnt to the core but not broken
we’ll cut through the madness
of these streets below the moon
with a nuclear fire of love in our hearts
rest easy baby, rest easy
and recognize it all as light and rainbows
smashed to smithereens and be happy
run to the water (and find me there)
run to the water

sotd – the kill – 30 seconds to mars

Couldn’t take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I’m not running from you (from you)

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

Ah, ah
Oh, oh
Ah, ah

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you.
Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

Come break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)

(You say you wanted more)
What if I wanted to break…?
(What are you waiting for?)
Bury me, bury me
(I’m not running from you)
What if I
What if I
What if I
What if I
Bury me, bury me

watch it here

a lame and unashamed friday fandango to my friends.

Ange and I have a Friday tradition. We ‘dance’. This morning’s we did a little chacha. I won’t lie, I love how we connect, even though we really hardly see each other.

Well, thank FUCK, that’s over, SheenaBee. Love you situtwin. Get out of the way, I need Marvin first! 😉

I just spoke with an old friend on the ‘phone, about work, but really it was way more than that. Yes, you, Taryn NotKay. Can’t actually wait to see you. It’ll be great. Thank you for always being around.

Happy last day, person. 😉

My office smells like tomatoes. I have no idea why. I suspect an incoming Fruit and Veg City sponsorship.

Larcy is having her teeth done again today.. just as she sat down in the dentist’s chair, the power went out. Well. Um yeah. Thinking of you more right now in respect of your preciouses, my Larcy McArsey.

I found an old blogpost from v1.0 (no, it was v2.0). I think I shall be updating it, removing the names and posting it soon. I’m kinda smiling right now, a little, inwardly. Someone somewhere will recognise it and giggle a shitload.

sorry for being so crap with you yesterday. i loathe our fights. one day soon though, you won’t be there to fight with me. I’m okay with it.

Being up at 4am sucked. Watching you dry your tears and say “mommy, there’s a big rainbow and it goes all the way around” made it all okay.

My mother rocks my world. I love her like I have never loved her before. is that possible? That you can love your mother more now as an adult, than you did as a kid? Random, I realise, but I believe it is now true for me.

And that, is indeed, all. it’s been a bit of a week. both good and bad. feeling and thinking, living and breathing, sucking in and spurting out.

For a giggle, go here

SOTD:

Well, fuck it. I remember one day, about a year ago, dancing on the balcony to this song, and it being my ultimate Friday song. It still is. Because, frankly, every line makes me want to smile. I don’t care if it is by a bit of a lame band. Pooh Pooh.

I’m lame and unashamed.

Sugar, we’re going down

lyrics for moratorium.

.this resonated.

I’ve never been this accountable-less and within
I’ve never known focuslessness on any form

I’ve never had this lack of ache for dalliance
To let go and let God in ways I have never even imagined

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavours of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

I’ve never let my grasp soften fingers like this
I’ve never been careless otherless like autonomy’s twin

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

Ah to breathe
Stop looking outside
Stop searching in corners of rooms
Not my business or timing
Ahhh

I’ve never known freedom from intertwining
I start again this time for keeps in my skin I’m residing

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

heh.

sotd #2. for my bro.

because, all of a sudden, sitting at my desk, i miss him so much. am gonna call him up and tell him i think he rocks. even though he sometimes annoys me to the point of eyestabbage. i’m sure i do the same for him.

anyway, here tis.

welcome to wherever you are – bon jovi

(i aint no big fan, but i know he is)

i still think of him alot (he’s not dead, we’re just both a lot older, have families, careers and mad lives) as nineteen, long hair and alot of ripped jeans action, making fart jokes and playing smoke on the water. non.stop. living across the passage from me and trying to fathom out statistics.

i guess, sometimes, i miss being teenage and running around with him, sillily, and doing crazy shit and not caring.

…and then he answered my text with a phonecall. and we laughed.

he said: “what are you doing on youtube?”
and i said: “posting porn”
he said: “CATHERINE!”
and i laughed.

he knows im not being serious.

and then he gave me a full review of the newer bon jovi album, compared it to previous ones (i guess those stetsons meant something after all!), we caught up on the band goss, and i had a little sigh.

he’s got his bon jovi, i have my alanis morissette. the paradigms, i used to call them.

that’s my brother. and i love him.

now, just as we are, and then, in our mutual hippy ‘wear alot of torn jeans, listen to the same music on repeat’ days.

(wait. we still do the same music thing hehe).

it has always been you who teaches me to be present, look forward and sing, even if you sound like shit.

that is all.

(wait. wah. i just found the vid for ‘she don’t know me’ and am canning myself)

sotd. pollyanna flower

because it makes me think of you.

pollyanna flower – alanis morissette.

(through you I see I)

Between a broken nose and a fake smile
Between piety and gunpowder
Between fighting and fleeing the scene
Between murder and diplomacy
Between aggression and end of the odd
Between brutal and realistically well behaved
Between screaming and pulling in the reins
Between tiptoeing and ambling

What am I to do with all this fire
(I’d like to hit you but I’d never hit you)
Would you stay with me in this red space
(I’d like to slap you but I’d never slap you)

Between violence and silently seething
Between my fist and my pollyanna flower
Between “fuck you” to your face and it’s alright
Between war and denial

Between flying vases and secretly weeping
Between loose cannons and ever downplaying
Between bruises and rudely differing
Between bursting and boiling

What am I to do with all this burning
(I’d like to hurt you but I’d never hurt you)
Do I overwhelm you in this place
(I’d like to kill you but I’d never kill you)

What am I to do with all this fire
Can you understand me in this place?

run run run run run

it’s a song title. today’s hot tune. run run run run run – fire through the window.

the phone rings but he wont answer
just in case it might be her
and he knows its for the best
they can’t live happily after

…

and she tends to make him anxious
every time they never touch
and this time he has decided
that this time is enough
but he knows it deep inside

…

walking away you better run.

i’m enough of a loose cannon to know when i’ve been misfired.

larcy will get it.

so, it’s friday afternoon, the sun is setting, i’m updating, well, everything, and catching up on a few things. and plotting what to wear tonight in the great and fab ‘william and gracie’ ride again fest.

As per larcy’s latenight purgefest, with house, i have the vonda on, and as the sun sets this came on. it fitted. only because i know she’d get it.

(an aside. i love how our writing patterns are the same and our techniques akin).

it’s been me for a while now.

the “marriage proposals ahoy!” phase, we call it.

even to the point of trying to marry each other WAHAHAH. but, that’s besides the point.

and, as the sun sets, i realise this song fits me so well. but, then we knew that a while ago…

i know you’ll get it larcy. and you’re giggling right now. you know what i’m talking about. 😉

vonda shephard – will you marry me?

I guess you sunk in
Oh yeah you made it in
Now I’m fumbling somewhere deep within
Will I raise my glass
Or will you kick my ass?
Will we fall down laughing, laughing?

I know love is pain
I know your life’s insane
I want you anyway
I’ll probably complain

Why would I subject myself to this kind of disaster?
A respectable ball and chain is all you’re really after

I’m tumbling inside this reeling feeling coming over me
Will you ever decide? So unrevealing …
Wil you marry me?

Strange behaviour from my saviour
You yank me up and down
Just like a yo-yo
Do you love me?
You’re an anomaly
Or maybe you are just
Unbelievably ordinary

Why would I subject myself to this kind of disaster?
A respectable ball and chain is all you’re really after

I’m tumbling inside this reeling feeling coming over me
Will you ever decide? So unrevealing …
Will you marry me?

I’m tumbling inside, I’m happiest when you are next to me
But I’m still on the outside …
Am I obsessed or
Will you marry me?