Random thought…

…something i thought whilst flying back from JHB on Sunday and wrote in my little book of random thoughts and stuff that some people would love to get their hands on one day…(yeah, that is about you :P).

I was thinking about myself. About Cam. About friends.

“me, so small, so short, so loud and so quiet… you, so small, so growing, so loud and so quiet.. you and me… so evidently small, yet so evidently capable”

Cam reminds me so much of myself nowadays. Other little girl members of my family do too. heh.

It makes me proud and simultaneously, makes me worry.

I wasn’t always the tough cookie my shirt tells me I am (thanks, Angel). I wasn’t always this outspoken. It’s taken a long long time of being stomped on to get to a point where I do know how to put my foot down, and stick my foot out to kick. Truth be told though, I hurt just the same now as I did when I was five years old and an ugly little boy called me fat. Back then, though, I didn’t know how to retaliate,  ignore or wait for karma to play along (said little ugly boy was recently treated in hospital for obesity and had his stomach stapled. That’s karma). Now I do. Now I know how to kick or walk away.It takes alot to be brave. But it’s easy when you know you have love. When you know you have support. When you know that, no matter what you do, you are loved.

I hope my daughter feels that way now, and every day of her life. Cameron is a brave one, stubborn, demanding and a whirlwind of emotions… NO idea where she gets THAT from 😛

But, what she is, what I notice about my notsobabygirl, is that she is always determined, always excited by her independence. Sure, some days, she just wants mama to “do things for her”. And I’ll do that until she tells me not to.

I’m awed by her growing independence. Scared, too. A little heartsore, sometimes, truth be told.

The other night, we cooked dinner together, and she went to get the cheese from the fridge, grabbed the grater and started grating (yeah, i know, call the parenting police on me, she knows it’s sharp and is very careful and yes, I have loads of elastoplast…). Just like that, I realised…

I realised that she can do that. She knows how to. She knows when to. She proudly and happily helps out.

She is so proud of her every achievement. From the night she buttoned her own pyjamas, and told me to go away so that she could do it “on her own”.

Then I have to remind myself…that she’s my notsobabygirl anymore. She’s my growing little girl, ready to face the world whilst holding my hand.

Cam, mama’s awed by you. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama.