…forces pulling from the centre of the earth again…i can feel it…
It’s really that time, we’ve been told.
When my mother was told she is terminal, and accepted it…she asked, nay, demanded that I and her go and sit in the parking lot and have a smoke.
In her words, “fuck it, I’m dying anyway. Let’s just go and sit in the sunshine. I really have nothing to worry about now”.
So, we did. We did and we chatted. Mom said she just wants her affairs in order, and to see us.
Then, she said “I’m going to see your dad soon. What should I tell him?”
I said, “tell him I’m just fine. and that I really hope he is proud of me”.
Mom said, “I think you know that already”.
Mom and I spoke about Shmooshy. I got really honest with her about how I felt, how he felt, how Cam felt and what it was like to wake up with him and Cam and cuddle.
She smiled and said “I like him. I’m very glad he holds your hand”.
(note to the world – my mother, very seldom, “likes” anyone, and she firmly relies on her first-5-second-appraisal of someone, like I do. when she likes someone, they can stay. when she doesn’t, she gives them no further energy, other than a “fuck off”. she has never, ever tolerated fools or anyone she deems unsuitable. I love her for this strength she has given to me).
You see, there’s this thing about her. She’s tiny. She’s weak. But, I would defy anyone to meet her in a dark alleyway, still.
She has the strongest heart, and a bullet-proof spirit. I really mean bullet-proof. If you’ve ever thought I’m tough, well, she’s tougher. Way, way, way tougher.
I wish I could sit here and write that she’s going to be okay. She’s not.
What I do know. Is that the greatest love story, one where the world and people and life and situations and stuff tried really, really hard to beat it…and lost… that greatest love story is starting it’s journey to eternity.
As a person, as a woman, as myself…the thought of my mom and dad together again, makes me smile so widely.
As a daughter, I will miss you mom. But, I promise you, like the time I promised you I would finish everything I started, and when I promised you that I would do my best in being a mother…
I promise you, mom, I am okay. I am strong because you taught me to be.