I’ve been writing these letters to myself, in my head, recently. I keep thinking of myself, as a sprightly, enthusiastic 20 year old…and wonder what I would say to her. This is one of those letters (and yes, I realise I come across as a crotchety, grumpy cow. Some people agree entirely with that picture of me. I don’t, but I am more thoughtful nowadays. I used to be much more rudderless enthusiasm)…
So. Dear me – from me:
It is no secret that you are three things:
1. Easily frustrated.
2. Impatient.
3. Easily bored.
4. Utterly unable to deal with people’s egos. You find them disingenuous (including your own, sometimes).
Do not be ashamed of any of these things. You become easily frustrated when people do dumb stuff – especially when they have not THOUGHT. Not using your brain is akin to slapping yourself in the head – you just end up hurting yourself. You are not immune to this – you will do some pretty stupid things in my lifetime. But, the most spectacular failures of your life have, I believe…been done in private. Yes, at some point, you will probably write about them, either directly or vaguely. You have failures and flaws (everyone does). Try not to be ashamed of them. But, dammit, do try your best not to do DUMB stuff in public, past your 23rd birthday. Just try, please.
It annoys the heck out of me when people do.dumb.stuff. online. I’ve become intolerant of it, and yes – that’s hilarious considering some of your personal gaffes over time. Just think.
Your impatience is directly attached to your frustration level. More importantly though, you and I believe in something we think many have forgotten – if you’re late, you’re insulting. To us, if you’re late, you may as well just stand there and chuck insults at me – it’s the same thing. Your timeous nature shows me that you care about the situation. If you don’t give a toss, then don’t be there. I’d rather people just cancel with me, rather than make me wait. (Addendum – none of this counts if someone have an emergency, and that I understand).
You are easily bored. I say this because it’s true. Please don’t think that makes you flippant, ignorant or disinterested. It means that you will happily invest my attention to something but – please remember this in everything you do in life – the only person who finds you the most interesting person in the world – is you.
I sound like a grumpy cow there, I know. You probably hate me for saying that. I’m okay with that. Here’s the thing – I HAD to learn that too. It took me AGES to realise that the things I do may not be particularly interesting to anyone other than myself. I learnt, with MANY a knock, that what I spout about…people will only hear maybe 10 percent of it and assume the rest. (and, remember too – nobody you know IS actually a mindreader – so you need to tell people what’s important and what isn’t). Kak, I know. Just be glad I said it here and didn’t wait for you to find out yourself. Oh. Wait.
Please, Cath, get a grip on your ego. It will be punched into oblivion at least 100 times within the next 10 years. You will cry over it, a lot. Get to grips with that and realise that you really need to reign it in. Got it? Good. Funny thing – in about 10 years’ time, people’s egos are going to annoy you…not everyone’s…but some.
You’ll notice something – those egos that aggravate you – are nothing. They’re the product of self-serving hot air that people spout about themselves, in an effort to feel better about themselves. Heck, you do it too. Please learn humility, quickly, and learn how to cut through other people’s hot air. You’ll just be better off that way. Please, learn it quickly, and please – don’t accept egos. Try not to get caught up in anyone else’s ego or disingenuousness. You’ll escape a lot of hurt that way. Basically, Cath, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck…it’s a quackery of epic proportions. Trust your gut on this one…
Lastly, 20 year old Cath, when you feel annoyed, try not to shout. Try to think your way through it and choose if it’s worth losing your head over. Have less tantrums, and more thought. I know, I know – you’re laughing at me because it seems impossible. Here’s the thing though – in 12 years’ time, it is entirely possible. You’ll have learnt. Don’t fret too much.