Someone, once, a very long time ago, called me an unfit mother. They tried REALLY hard to have me misjudged, misinterpreted and socially maligned. They failed. Badly. Heh. I (assisted by a little piece of paper) proved them very, very wrong. They were absolutely unfair in what they tried to do to my life. They did not succeed, and every single day, I remember that battle. In fact, I wrote about it once and I’ve pulled this out of the archives.
That battle ended over three years ago, but the scars of it live with me every day. Every day that I live, every day that I am a mother, and every day that I am myself, I win that battle over and over and over again. In my head, it used to be about victory. Nowadays, it’s about living life. My sense of ginormous victory over that situation is well and truly over, and now I just feel that the battle served to strengthen me. It forged me into the person and mother I am today – fiercely protective and wholly devoted. Wholly devoted, to the point of being boring, I fear, because all I truly love to talk about is my amazing kid. I’m totally okay with being that boring.
That battle had a large influence on who I am today. It created for me a true sense of motherhood. I would even go so far to say that it made me into the parent I am today.
So, yes, I may not have everything right. Maybe I am too nice about things. Maybe I favour creative expression over stoicism. Perhaps I am indulgent, and maybe I am a lot of things. Let me just say this – I’m okay with it.
Nobody has to agree with my parenting, because they’re not doing it. I am. Certain people have a right to express how they feel about it, but how I assimilate that into my life, is up to me. I don’t accept criticism from people who have no effect on my life. And I defy anyone to question my love for my kid. If you must judge me, then judge me. I’ve been judged before and I turned out just fine. What I do know, at the heart of everything, is that children need love and boundaries. And we have those in our life. Moreover, we have forged and fed those together. My kid will never apologise for being herself, of that much I can tell you. I spent way too many years of my life doing it, and she will never have to bow down to some judgement like that. So, yes, we’ll be eating ice cream at 7pm, or wearing our pyjamas backwards whilst dancing around the lounge. We’re busy creating memories that way. And, as I know all too well, when your parents are gone from you, those memories are all you have. I want my daughter to live the rest of her life with incredible ones.
Because I am so violently aware of how it feels to be judged as a parent, it saddens me no end when I hear of situations where people judge parents. Yes, there are some disgusting excuses for parents out there – just read today’s paper for some prime examples.
But, there are also parents (specifically mothers) who unfairly live their lives under the barrage of judgement. Just last night at dinner, I heard another table’s occupants doing exactly that – judging another mother. A mother who is now dead. It took all my power not to launch myself over the table and smack those people at that table in the mouth. Interestingly, I noted that their children were not the ones sitting and playing quietly. One would think that if they were so “perfect” in their parenting, their children would be little angels, right? Right…
Anyway, enough of my soapbox. A conversation spurred up these emotions in me, and that’s how it rolls.
I love my daughter, through and through. Nobody can ever tell me otherwise. That’s enough for me.
Its very hard not to let other’s opinions and judgments influence how you raise your child, mothers seem to be especially critical of each other. The sad part is learning this lesson too late .