it’s when i can phone you and scream.
it’s when i can put my head on your shoulder and you will stroke my hair and say that it’s going to be okay.
it’s when i can believe you.
it’s when you come to me with something in your hand but it’s actually in your heart.
it’s when i can just cry and you listen. and you don’t care that it’s ugly cry.
it’s when you feel useless and powerless to help me and that’s okay because the fact that you exist is enough for me.
it’s always going to be enough for me.
thank you.
last night we were dancing. i was laughing. (this was before that all happened).
and i was speaking to a friend and he said.
he said
“i’ve never seen you look so bright before. you look like you finally came home after spending all your life wandering around the desert”
i smiled. i said i feel like i have.
and when my heart split into seventy two pieces with one phonecall and i called you and screamed because this is revolting news.
and you were revolted with me, not just for me.
and all i wanted and needed was to hear your voice.
and your promises to me are not hollow. they are clean.
in a world punctuated by gigantic voids of anything meaningful,
in a world that does not know how to sing without stealing someone else’s precious voice,
in a world that is just too big today, and yet so very small,
you are the only place i can scream.
thank you, Phi.