you know..
in this flurry of a day that’s not even close to being a product from a well-known drivethrough.
you know…
in this hilarious race against words that i have forgotten to write and those which i cannot get out of my mouth fast enough.
you know…
in this angry, red space where you reside and i cannot comprehend your actions.
you know…
in this sad, grieving place where you have once again made pain out of smiles at play.
you know…
i’ll think about that phonecall. the one that left me slammed against a bathroom wall.
you know…
i’ll think about how i won’t let you hurt anymore. i won’t be shocked by you and i won’t be tainted by you.
you know…
it’s so easy for me to form this day into a mashed plate of nothing to remember.
you know…
it’s so much better for me to forge on through and forget what you said, and what you did and
you know…
there are nicer people in the world than you.
i know…
because they’re in front of me.
i know…
because they’re honest and real and lacking in deceit.
i know…
because they’re entirely open to being themselves with the world.
even when it hurts them.
i know…
because i’m one of them and you hate that about me.
i know…
because i’m in your face, in your heart and won’t leave anything alone because it’s causing pain.
i know…
because i live to be there at 2am when someone needs me.
i know…
because i need to be able to make that call myself sometimes.
i know…
because i’ve deleted your number from that list.
you just shout at people that love you anyway.
i know…
who i am. where i am. how i am.
i know…
because i took the time to learn.
you know…
maybe you should too.
you know…
i don’t hide, i’m not writhing. i’m not even interested in writing about you.
you know…
i’ve released this faster than it slapped me into that wall so that my best friend could pick me up and take me home.
i know…
in time, the sting will ease and the noise will quieten.
but you know…
you lose you in the process.
i know…
i lose nothing.
i know…
because all i am is thankful for the people around me who know where i stand.
i know…
because all i am is grateful for the hugs and kindnesses bestowed.
i know…
because all i have are those i love so dear.
and i know…
that they don’t care how cross-eyed i’ve gone from a day gone mad.
and i know…
that they’re the brightest lights most shining on the darkest evenings.
you know…
i only hope you have that gratitude somewhere.
i know…
you’re reading this and spitting.
and i know…
that i am okay.
i know…
i am fearless, firm and fine.