It’s been a Monday. I just need to offload. It’s been a swirl of a day. I just need to say it and move on.
I am bitter because no matter how hard you work, you dont really ever feel like you’re at the end of it. but, im thankful for the work to do.
I am bitter because i want to do better, be perfect. But i never have the time to be perfect. I only ever have the time to do a million things at once and hope like hell I got it right. sure, most of the time I do, but there’s only so many times i can pull the same rabbit out of my hat. The bunny gets tired too, you know. but, i’m thankful i’m good with bunnies.
i am bitter about time. i want to give my daughter more of mine, and less of having to juggle everything. but, i’m thankful she loves doing things with me, and already knows that helping in her own way, helps me more than she knows.
i am bitter about the idea that i spend most of my day doing something to help. And yet, every day, I face a myriad of people who just dont care. but, im thankful for the one person who does care.
i am bitter about the fact that its not about us vs them. its about you. nobody seems to ever get that. so, yes, take things personally. but, dont expect me to take it for you.
i am bitter about the fact that every day, my daughter walks into the house and sighs with relief that our life has not been ransacked again. Every day, we walk in and she runs to the lounge and proudly tells me that everything is where we left it. I’m bitter she feels the need to do that, just to feel safe. but, im thankful we have our life in one piece today.
i am bitter that every night, if i hear something, its me that has to get up and check. i’m not brave, people, i just do what has to be done. but, i’m thankful for my emergency phone call list.
i am bitter that i have to exchange jars for squeezy tube type condiments. i cant open jars. dont have the arm strength, and the knife trick doesn’t always work. but, i’m thankful that i have the choice between tubes and jars.
i am bitter that you never, ever feel the need to take an interest. i spend what seems like my life trying to keep you involved. because i believe, and know, that its for the best. yet, never once, have you ever just been grateful. but, im thankful for my perseverance to do it anyway.
i am bitter that i’ve had to make choices with consequences that lead to me sacrificing myself. i know its for good. i know there was no other choice to make. but some days, those choices are everpresent, and i cannot escape the fact that you failed. And I failed. I failed because I believed in you in the first place. Even when you did not want to, but needed me to. but, im thankful that i realised the failure when i did. heaven knows where i’d be today, if i had not made those choices.
i am bitter that everything i ever did, you flung conditions on. but, i am so thankful that i finally flung them back at you.
i am bitter that the only person to wake me up on my birthday for the last seven years, has been my daughter. and she’s only been around for four of them. but, im thankful for eternity and a day that she’s here.
i am bitter that i always make the effort. and you find me annoying for doing so. but, i’m thankful for being able to still believe i’m doing the right thing, whether you like it or not.
i am bitter that in one year, i developed wrinkles i didn’t ever worry about having. now that i have them, i realise i’m much older in my heart than i ever wanted to be. but, i’m thankful for the experience, because my word, i have a beautiful life just because it exists.
i am bitter that my naivete got jolted out of me. i’d love an innocent experience again. not one marred by cynicism or jadedness. but, im thankful i have a child’s eyes to help me do that once again.
i am bitter that i never really got the chance to be the person i wanted to be. but, im thankful that i still have the opportunity to be the person i am meant to be today.
i am bitter you broke that plate. but, i’m so thankful it was the first thing that told me i needed to get you out.
i am bitter that my daughter does not want to do a particular extra mural activity. but, i am thankful that i know why and that i know her so well, that i know she’ll tell me when she’s ready to.
i am bitter that i still shudder behind the wheel of a car. but, im thankful that you said that when you did, it made my then-complex life seem so much clearer to me.
i am bitter that i don’t always trust my first instinct, because you told me to listen to you rather. but, im thankful i know the difference between right and wrong for myself. what you feel for yourself is up to you.
i am bitter that three of our fish died because i couldn’t be here for that time. but, im thankful that they were loved when they were with us.
i am bitter that when i told you that happy news, that was just for me, you fobbed me off and made me feel unimportant. but, im thankful that i had that happy news, just for me.
i am bitter that i was blessed with a heart big enough to be hurt so hugely. but, i am thankful for every space within it filled with people worthy enough to feel it.
i am bitter that i get the raw end of the deal. but, i am thankful that i have genius ways of making that raw end rock.
i am bitter that i have everything in my life i have ever wanted, but at the end of the day, i look over at the other end of the couch and there’s noone there to tell.
i am bitter you left. but, i’m thankful you were here at all.
i am bitter that you never truly listen to me when i need you to but, demand my immediate attention at any time. but, i’m thankful you trust me enough.
i am bitter you leave me with no answers. but, i’m thankful i had the courage to ask.
i am bitter that i have to work so hard at everything. but, i’m thankful for the knowledge that it is worth it.
i am bitter towards the assumptions that you make. but, i’m thankful i can counter them with fact.
i am bitter that you lied and twisted my words and never apologised. but, i’m thankful i can forgive you.
i am bitter that the people we need the most, are taken from us too soon. but, i’m thankful they existed at all.
i am bitter that i sit here wondering who will assume what from reading this, and ponder who i am talking about. but, i’m thankful that i can write it.
i am bitter you weren’t willing to even try to understand me. but, i’m thankful that i can understand myself.
i am bitter that i had to give up what i loved, to do what needed to be done. but, i’m thankful i can still do it.
i am bitter that i can never look at a rainbow, and not be reminded of you. but, i’m thankful that i can still see them. they are glorious, even with your memory scratching away at them.
i am bitter that you think i helped you become the person you needed to be, yet you left to be that person for someone else. but, i’m thankful you helped me become the person i needed to be.
i am bitter that you slanted me off as a slow learner. but, i’m thankful that i learn at all.
i am bitter that you feel that you have the right to question me. but, i’m thankful i know how to ignore you.
i am bitter that this post is ending. but, i’m thankful i got this off my chest.