vindication.

vindication. windication. however it sounds, i am happy this morning.

you see, blog, there’s a few things i want to update you on, without being specific. Cryptic generally being my key, right? Right.

So, here goes.

I’ve been battling with something for quite some time. Something I invited into my life and when it finally became apparent that it was supremely not me, it reacted. Badly. Very badly indeed.

It led me to a point of self-doubt and concern and well, let’s be blunt, plain fear.

It isolated me from people, it lost me some credibility, it lost me some things and above all, it lost me some people along the way. It led to me having shit smeared straight through my life. It nearly lost me, me.

It has required a lot of courage and grit to get through it. Oh, yes, just to clear this up, I am not talking about any kind of addiction. This battle centered on a person.

But, as of yesterday, I believe I am finally free.

And yesterday, when the freedom’s sunrise dawned on my face, I cried and I danced around the lounge.

I am finally free of this battle. Moreover, I am vindicated. The doubt some people had been bestowed with a result of this, had led me to doubt myself. To stumble over my own words, and to have me begin to lose faith in myself. I understood why certain people doubted me, I did.

At some points along the way, I gave up hope. I faltered and cried and really didn’t want to go on.

But there were people beside me all the way who believed in me even on days when I did not. There were feathers left upon my path that kept me smiling and focused.

I want to thank those people.

My daughter, for her courage. Above all things.
My bestest friends, who dealt with insults and slander themselves too and who inspired me to carry on fighting for my good name, and that includes you, youknowwhoyouare. Anne, Will, Galaxian, Larcy, Cwaig, NotKay, GMA, SBL, JaR, RR, DR, Mr K, MDA, GMTT, NJR, SH, BM, MS and all the members of my army.
My family.
My flatmate, for making me laugh at the patheticness of it all.
A particular person for believing in me, so very much. I would never be here right now were it not for him.

And, yesterday, there it was. My vindication in a percentage. In the words of someone of whom I am quite fond: “Egg, Face, Alignment”.

I am filled with an intense sense of gratitude this morning. I have turned up “don’t dream it’s over” by the house. I never thought I would be able to play this song and smile and know that it is now over.

Finally, I am not dreaming.

It is over.

Don’t dream it’s over – Crowded House.

There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There’s a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you’ll never see the end of the road
While you’re travelling with me

Hey now, hey now
Don’t dream it’s over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won’t win

Now I’m towing my car, there’s a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspiscion but there’s no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the T.V. page

Now I’m walking again to the beat of a drum
And I’m counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief

Hey now, hey now
Don’t dream it’s over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us