two exhalations in gratitude

in the midst of life’s current unfairness, i am still thankful. i have a lot to be thankful for. more than i could ever imagine.

.shmooshy.

boots that could kick ass, and which mean i escape a funcrazy night without bruises. friends. smiles. watching you in your brilliance, that you do with such ease. laughing. sleeping in. you holding my hand in the middle of the scary things. dinner. grinning. random adventures where we get lost and it’s okay. silly shopping and level four hunger. playtime. bathtime. sleeptime. sunshine. cars that sound scarily like South Park motorcycles. “keep your socks on”, Cam says, from the backseat. you understand what i mean when i say gehpess. cows on the side of the road. heh. friends. warm. when you’re asleep, you fling your arm over me. whenever you say something, whatever it is, you mean it. a little smile from a little face you love so much becomes a grin wider than the sky. in talking with a friend, i am reminded, again, of how lucky i am. i tell you, and i’m reminded again because you don’t shy away from me telling you the way i feel. you reciprocate and i am awed. every day, an adventure and every night, the peace.

.cameron.

open-eyed and smiling. talking and telling of a weekend where you were happy. your katy perry and big bang theory impersonations. the aplomb with which you tackle each new thing. in putting together this puzzle of life, you confidently know where the pieces should go. but, you decide, in your own way, how to arrange them. you open up to the world and love every second. i’ve seen you give love, receive love, jump for joy for love. i watched you today, drawing on a chalkboard, and negotiating your way towards the pink chalk, through other children. i was awed by your politeness and charm. my child. that little baby girl, playing with other kids and smiling over a milkshake with sprinkles. i am, every time i see you smile, simply blown away that you chose me to be your mama.