…forces pulling from the centre of the earth again…i can feel it…
It’s really that time, we’ve been told.
When my mother was told she is terminal, and accepted it…she asked, nay, demanded that I and her go and sit in the parking lot and have a smoke.
In her words, “fuck it, I’m dying anyway. Let’s just go and sit in the sunshine. I really have nothing to worry about now”.
So, we did. We did and we chatted. Mom said she just wants her affairs in order, and to see us.
Then, she said “I’m going to see your dad soon. What should I tell him?”
I said, “tell him I’m just fine. and that I really hope he is proud of me”.
Mom said, “I think you know that already”.
Mom and I spoke about Shmooshy. I got really honest with her about how I felt, how he felt, how Cam felt and what it was like to wake up with him and Cam and cuddle.
She smiled and said “I like him. I’m very glad he holds your hand”.
(note to the world – my mother, very seldom, “likes” anyone, and she firmly relies on her first-5-second-appraisal of someone, like I do. when she likes someone, they can stay. when she doesn’t, she gives them no further energy, other than a “fuck off”. she has never, ever tolerated fools or anyone she deems unsuitable. I love her for this strength she has given to me).
You see, there’s this thing about her. She’s tiny. She’s weak. But, I would defy anyone to meet her in a dark alleyway, still.
She has the strongest heart, and a bullet-proof spirit. I really mean bullet-proof. If you’ve ever thought I’m tough, well, she’s tougher. Way, way, way tougher.
I wish I could sit here and write that she’s going to be okay. She’s not.
What I do know. Is that the greatest love story, one where the world and people and life and situations and stuff tried really, really hard to beat it…and lost… that greatest love story is starting it’s journey to eternity.
As a person, as a woman, as myself…the thought of my mom and dad together again, makes me smile so widely.
As a daughter, I will miss you mom. But, I promise you, like the time I promised you I would finish everything I started, and when I promised you that I would do my best in being a mother…
I promise you, mom, I am okay. I am strong because you taught me to be.
You’re going to miss your mom so much. I’m so sorry you’re going through this heartbreaking time that all of us must face. I’m glad you’ve got some time to say your goodbyes.
I’m glad for you and your fam that you’ve got this time together and that you know your mom will see you dad again.
I like you 🙂
I am sorry any of you have to deal with this – my heart breaks a little each time I read a post but your strength and your moms is remarkable!
I can only imagine what you’re going through at the moment. I am sending you strength and hugs and lots of love…
I speak from experience when I say, be grateful that you have time to say goodbye. Use this time, leave nothing unsaid. Get it all out, tell her all your hopes, dreams, fears, and happiness. Tell her how much you love her, everything that you appreciate about her. So when she does go, you don’t feel like there is something unfinished. It will carry you in your healing time once she has gone.
Love you friend xxx
She’ll live on, in you. As long as you love her, and speak of her and remember her, she’ll still be. I wish you both love and courage for the journey ahead *hugs*
Beautiful post Cath. Your mom sounds like an absolute pistol and I would have loved to meet the woman who made you.
Wow! This is a beautiful post. Hope the party today was awesome!
Lovely post, you are a very strong woman. Big hugs xx