it’s a terrible photo of me but.

i think it sums up how fast life moves.

how fast it sometimes seems to pass us by.

Cam talked. All weekend.

That gorgeous voice of neverending singing and laughing and pointing things out that make her smile.

from such a tiny baby, resting on my shoulder

to this girl who has the world in the palm of her hand and will go shopping wearing fairy wings.

“and if anyone asks, tell them, mommy, that i’m a fairy today. tomorrow, i will be a kitty”

with an imagination bigger than the universe.

i am still awed by her love.

it grows every day.

faster than her feet, even.

And then

there’s me.

Me who’s busy and creating and hoping and working.

Me who is loved beyond love.

Me who is understood.

Even when she makes zero sense.

Me who grew up too fast too, she thinks.

Me who can’t remember making that decision but definitely did.

Heh.

Me who’s okay with it

and me who sometimes wants to channel that Peter Pan complex so hard that i refuse to wear shoes until I get wings again.

There’s me who is really sad for her best friend who feels his heart is breaking again as he leaves.

And even though it is the most wonderful opportunity in the world…

it sucks leaving your family behind.

I know, for a fact, that I can’t do it.

I respect you for your strength to do it.

Even when it comes with self-doubt and tantrums.

This morning, when the sun came up,

I was up.

Hanging laundry.

The DomestiCath way.

I look into Cam’s room and I see her sleeping,

like my sister.

Legs in the air. Sprawled across the bed.

Smiling at her dreams about mermaids, fairies, ponies and Princes of Charming.

I think about her singing twinkle twinkle little star.

And I smile.

I look into my kitchen.

The dishes unwashed from a weekend of chill and sunshine.

I think about waking up on Sunday morning after being left to sleep by Shmooshy and he got up to play with Cam.

I grin.

I’ve never had that before.

I look at my hands.

I feel my heart and it beats.

And I begin my day,

smiling.

In all that happens so quickly.

Moves so fast.

And it speeds up and slows down whenever it wants to.

I get to hold your hand.

Sometimes I feel like crying because I still can’t believe how lucky I am.

Instead, I laugh and I grin and I dance when noone’s looking.

I love how, every time, without fail, you are honest with me.

i love our honesty.

i thrive on it.

I am the luckiest girl in the world.