3 songs for 13 years.

Today, Will and I celebrate 13 years of best friendship. We celebrated with a little intimate dinner at his Chateau. For the first time ever, we let our loves join us. It was marvellous.

He’s just written me a letter to commemorate today that will live in my heart forever. Our exchanges this year will be private, and I won’t be blogging about it.

Thank you, Will, for thirteen amazing years. All I am is gratitude.

And now, as always, the themesongs:




oh look, a twelve!

Last night, Will and I commemorated 12 years of our friendship. Happy anniversary Will!

We reminisced. As always.

Once upon a time, Will gave me this book.

In retrospect, and with a hat tip to the conversations we had last night, I realise that he actually said something with this gift that, as usual, saw through years and eons, and transmogrifications…

He gave this to me when we all lived together (the G@M@C@ trio), long before Cam came along. Now I read this story to her *she’s coloured in the book* and it makes me feel like I am home when we read it.

He saw through that time in our lives (my word it was fun). He saw past what came after, he saw through the loneliness I would one day feel. He saw through pain, he saw past loss, he swam right past the manic freeway of up and down that would happen to me. He saw straight towards the exponential joy that I didn’t then know existed and…

He saw me, as I am now. The Pig of Happiness. So he gave it to me then.

He gave me hope.

Happy Anniversary my Will.


sunday’s random thoughts

Okay, I can exhale now.

Last night, Will and I celebrated our eleven year anniversary of best-friendshipness. Eleven years. There are marriages that don’t last that long.  If you wanna know about it, you can read about it here

We laughed, we bleaked out about our clear aging processes. Swapped eye cream tips, laughed about our horrible choices in music in a past life. We reminisced about our mutual stories of our frondship (this is codespeak).

Something about Will and Grace. You know, it is possible that over the last year, we’ve disagreed. That sounds weird to say, especially considering that we never had any real disagreements until this, our eleventh year. Sure, Will has vehemently held  back on commentary on certain choices I have made about where I place my heart in my life. But, this year we truly disagreed for the first time ever, to an almost awkward point.

But, we got over it, we got by, and I think we both realised it was actually a sign of our strength that it happened.

How did it happen? Will was worried about me. We ended up talking about how maybe we care too much. Turns out though, it’s not that at all. It’s when other people get involved and mixed up in the middle of what makes us a terminal team of madness and sanity, that something happens. We worry about each other. It’s what we do.

/One of the eight million and six reasons why I respect you so much, is that you’ve always been so careful not to intrude on it. Even to the point of us calling you ridiculous. The truth is, you fit with it. You’re okay to go with it. It means the world to me that you’ve never told me to choose./

And at 2am today, whilst we were laughing under the stars, having avoided crowds, ugly ex-boyfriends and irritating much-younger people who prompted me to ask the usual “Er, Will, do their mothers know they’re out? And no, I’m not paraphrasing ABBA”…I remembered how it is that my best friend and I met.

On a sunny Sunday. In a driveway. Neither of us feeling particularly social. And ultimately shy. I believe I was wearing some atrocious misconception of an outfit. It was not a red, tiered skirt, though. And I can confirm he was not wearing a polka dot shirt.

I keep in a file in my house. In it, the emails we used to write to each other. Termed the “spleenvent mails”, they got us through the years where Will lived in a different country, and I lived in another mental space. Those long-winded epistles made me laugh and cry every time. Were it not for those, I doubt I’d be the person I am today. By the time he returned on holiday, we were closer than anyone really knew. I think it was a bit of a shock for some people – we were okay with that.

And when, over a box of life-defining cigarettes, Will decided to return home, it was with my greatest heart that I felt okay with the world again. Will fast became the person I would run to, in real life, for everything. Will stood by me in everything. When I would cry about pain, he would put his hand on my shoulder and say “you know, these things will pass”. He would let me cry, never berate me for it. He would make me laugh. He would fish me out of life’s swimming pools, literally and figuratively. When the bottom fell out of my mind, shortly after Cam was born and my Dad died, it was Will who shuffled me into his house and said “here is a plate of food. eat it. this is a hot bath. wash in it. this is a pillow. sleep on it”. It was Will who got me through that time. When something in my house breaks, he brings his Big Jim toolbox and I laugh at his clearly butch nature. He has a tool cupboard in his kitchen. He’s like Bob the Builder, but Bob sings along to ABBA whilst he re-tiles people’s roofs or something. When my kidney broke, he rushed to hospital. Heh. Bjork, be damned :P.

The truth is, nothing ever changes between us. No matter how much life throws at us, candle holders inclusive, the texture and easy laughter flows without obstruction. I am blessed to have Will.

He is Cam’s godfather. That means more to me than you could know. To me, godparents aren’t there to ensure a child sticks to a religious principle. They exist to be another support to a child as they journey through the world.

I’ve had Will in my life for every critical turn in the journey, and every straight and easy road. I couldn’t have chosen better. I couldn’t ever have asked for a better partner in un-crime and oprah glasses. Knowing that Cam has that for her too, means the world to this mama.

Happy Anniversary, Will. Thank you for eleven years of everything we are.

Let’s go do the big block and the helicopter on the dancefloor like the crazy kids we still are. Just as soon as I finish my crossword 😛

Twenty Nine.

When I was younger, I never thought I’d get here. But I did. It just seemed to be “so old”. I think I was right. wah.

Truth? This has been the year that I:

a. achieved a dream.

b. survived a parent’s worst nightmare. with you holding my hand all the way.

c. truly became a mom within in every aspect and fibre of myself. and loved that my family were with me.

d. found out that my random brainwaves actually can have meaning in the real world.

e. and that they can and do come to fruition.

f. found out i am believed in. truly.

g. found out that amazing people live beyond my immediate vision. and then some

h. celebrated ten years of incomparable friendship.

i. came home to find the pieces of my life strewn all over the floor, and some of it gone forever.

j. worried. alot. sometimes about my lunch.

k. embraced the future.

l. and dropped the past.

m. missed people terribly.

n. and danced unfettered by inhibition when they returned.

o. had presents arrive for no reason from people who love me just as i am. and Cam did too.

p. met and got to spend some time with a person i am in awe of. and people, in fact. and then had surprise arrivals in my life of people i have always wanted to know.

q. had my heart broken.

r. and am still understood.

s. spoke less.

t. and listened more.

u. sat in a waiting room watching as you finally made enough of an idiot of yourself to leave my life, without me feeling ashamed and leaving me vindicated.

v. had some of the most random, late night conversations with the best but messiest housemate one could ever wish for, and sometimes i still have them.

x. got to work with some of the most incredible people on the planet.

y. and come home every day, to  a home that’s truly ours. unfettered by memories, and blooming with possibility.

z. and at the end of this year, I am more me than I have ever been.

Thank You For An Incredible Year.

as will would say, woo woo.

My SOTD for today: here

If it weren’t for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren’t so wise beyond your years I would’ve been able to control myself
If it weren’t for my attention you wouldn’t have been successful and
If it weren’t for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy
But you don’t seem to mind
Ooh don’t go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We’ll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you’ve washed your hands clean of this

You’re essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You’re a kind of my protégé and one day you’ll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you don’t seem to mind
Ooh don’t go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We’ll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
I’ve more than honored your request for silence
And you’ve washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history’s reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don’t tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cause you’re such a pretty thing when you’re done up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body

Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh I don’t seem to mind
Ooh don’t go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

What I’ve Learnt

1. That your passion must never outweigh your love. Even if you love doing something so much you cannot imagine living without it, don’t forget to come home. I learnt that the hard way, by proxy. Because once upon a time, I was the home. (this is not nostalgic, just fact).

2. That working at 3am can sometimes be good for the soul.

3. Doing it every day is not.

4. That just when you think you cannot, something within you will say “yes, I can”.

5. That there a lot of dumb actions out there, not dumb people. See, thing is, one person may be totally stupid in something you are not, but level that playing field and you’ll see, we all pretty much balance out.

6. There are, however, exceptions to that rule.

7. In life, you will meet the people you are supposed to meet. Whether you like it or not. Haha.

8. That there is a couple who live in my road who have a raging argument just about every night. Last time I was awake at this time and heard it, one of them threw a suitcase out of a window. This time, they are in the road 03h08 throwing linen at each other. I shit you not. Linen.

9. Police do not respond to domestic altercation calls. Neither do security companies.

10. The thing that pains me most of all is that they have a gorgeous boychild. And he witnesses all of this.

11. This is why I chose to be a single mom.

12. You are only ever as happy as you allow yourself to be.

13. Sometimes it’s harder to allow yourself to be happy than it is to make someone else happy.

14. Tall buildings might house huge egos but, there are just people within them, after all.

15. Forgiving someone is a lot easier than forgiving yourself.

16. You will probably do a fair amount of dumb shit in your life. As long as you learn from it, don’t hurt anyone, and don’t carry on doing it, you’ll be just fine.

17. Listening, rather than waiting for your turn to speak (thanks, Marla Singer) will mean you learn something real, rather than just something else about yourself.

18. There is not a lot in the world that can’t be fixed with a hug. The need for human physical interaction is more than you realise, and a lot more than you deny it to be.

19. You can choose to laugh or to cry. If you choose to cry though, you’re probably going to end up doing it alone.

20. There is a car broken down in my road right now. Two very drunk people are trying to push start it whilst the clearly designated driver slash long-suffering girlfriend attempts to steer it. It’s obvious that the pushers are quite boozed. Because they’re pushing it up a hill, not down it, to start it.

21. Sometimes it’s better to let people go ahead and do their dumb shit, than it is to try and help them.

22. Which is why I’m sitting here typing this and not helping push, and obviously direct them the right way around.

23. Your best friends are the ones who will make you laugh in a crisis. Specifically, at yourself.

24. Try not to take it the wrong way when they do it.

25. Because you’ll do it for them one day, and mean it in the same kind of “oh shit, I’m so relieved you’re alive/unscathed/not marrying into a family of gingers” (this is a private joke, sorry, and not intended to offend anyone)

26. The grass is only greener on the other side because there is more manure there. Remember that.

27. The simplest pleasure in the world is a ‘love’ from a child.

28. Children love unconditionally. Never, ever throw conditions on your love for them.

29. You are only what people think you are when you believe them. Don’t let someone else’s perception skew yours.

30. It’s entirely possible that you’re wrong though, but if you need to learn a lesson, you’ll learn it. The hard way or the easy way.

31. No-one’s going to make it easier for you other than you.

32. Aforementioned broken down car now has it’s hood open whilst two rather sloshed boys attempt to fix it.

33. This is one of those dumb things you will probably do in your life, regret it in the morning, laugh about it one day, and then nervously change the subject.


Good morning, world.

Will and Grace – A Decade. Part 1

Once upon a time there was a girl with a curl

– Stop me if you’ve heard this one before –

This girl with a curl had a very good friend

A previous love curved far back into her annals of life

Embedded in her every day.

A previous love that fell in love with a man of a red horse

Coupled with a penchant for polka dots and fishnets

One day, these two lovers, they went away. Far away.

Travelled far to a country of green

And thus began the emails with which Will and Grace would vent their spleen.

One day over a bean bag, table of glee,

They sat and counted out smokes by three,

And so the merry man would return,

To the country to where they felt free.

He came home, A house went pron, and they got it on like a scone

(no, not THAT on)

We lit a lot of candles, danced a million nights away…

Then she got sprogged up and, let’s remember, he is gay.

(so, no, scotch that rumour…waha…)

And under a bright sun, and a night light of blue,

They did the big block, her and you.

Never throw your hand down, William.

Quicke Update for all you stalker types =)

  • Went to JHB for an awesome/divine/exhilirating conference with a difference
  • Stayed with a divine family and was woken up every morning with requests for EyeSpy
  • Shopped a bit. Okay, no, a lot. Cameron is well spoilt. Beans on toast from here on out.
  • Ate a lot of divine food. Including cheese croquettes. And seriously, people, i love Stilton.
  • Had a good opportunity to get a little sunshine in the garden and spend a little time shooting the breeze with most excellent people (heehee). =)
  • Excellent conference venue, with shit wifi so, apologies for the radio silence
  • Had dinner with Will in JHB. We call it interprovincial, nondiscriminatory best friending. waha. He came up to buy a new car so we can finally say goodbye to the goldmembermobile.
  • BigUp to Sanette on Kulula for moving us to the front row!
  • It has also been a week of loss.
  • My thoughts rest with the family of Mr G – God Bless you in your travels, your conquests and queries…and may your daughters and wife be kept safely in love’s arms. May you ride high and fly free. You will be missed.
  • My thoughts rest too with the family of FP – May your children know your love every day, and may your inspiring way continue to make us smile.You will be missed.
  • Before I even got on the ‘plane though, I had one excellent, chilled weekend. I heart: Taco Zulu, Will, Friends, Dancing to Madonna, New shoes, Saturday nights of pizza and movies and snuggles, Bouncing through life trampoline-style and my new red handbag.

And lastly, and completely, thank you.

You know who you are.

You are the cheese on my toast, person.