wah. i am so 1996. a small resonating purge.

sometimes it frightens me how well you know me, will.

you aced it, all in one go, when i mailed you this video.

So, for the sake of us having a giggle, i’ll alter it here, just for posterity.

Because, in 1996, we both know it would have worked out the same.
and it better be different in 12 years time, as I said.
if not, at least i would have exhibited consistency, perseverance (again!) and the ability to keep laughing.

Dear D
I like you a lot
I realize you’re in a relationship with someone right now and I respect that
I would like you to know that if you’re ever single in the future
and want to come visit me in California I would be open to spending
time with you and finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song

Dear M
I liked you too much
I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me and think solely
about themselves and you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time
I used to say the more tragic the better the truth is whenever I think
of the early 90’s you face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday

Dear T
I love you muchly
you’ve been nothing but open hearted and emotionally available and
supportive and nurturing and consummately there for me
I kept drawing you in and pushing you away
I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch and
cry in front of you for the first time
you were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself
what was wrong with me

Dear R
You rocked my world
you had a charismatic way about you with the women and
you got me seriously thinking about spirituality and you wouldn’t let
me get away with kicking me own ass
but I would never really feel relaxed and looked out for around you
though and that stopped us from going any further than we did
and it’s kinda too bad because we could’ve had much more fun

Dear M
We learned so much
I realise we won’t be able to talk for some time and I understand that as I do you
the long distance thing was the hardest and we did as well as we could
we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives
I will always have your back and be curious about you
about your career your whereabouts

(btw. larcy. Smooch. you can tell i’m working up to the 17th hey? hehe4)

another old note

(la is laughing. she knows which box of treasure i have opened today)

another note from yesteryear

come and let us blow our little minds
in my psychedelic world
we’ll paint it purple
and paste jarvis cocker and janis joplin
on the walls
we’ll eat white bread and drink red wine
you’ll wear my kaftan
and i’ll wear your beads
let us blow our little minds
and leave the world behind

as we are.

particularly for the two of us who cannot leave the house today and are sitting on opposite ends of the fishbowl.

(not mine)

predictable as we are
we laugh at the same jokes and watch similar movies and have tastes much alike sort or less and use nothing than our intellectual talents

dependable as we are
we start off on our first trip to paris and though we travel our own highways we only degrade those who degrade us

foreseeable as we are
we turn black into white and the other way around
and you loving your cheese and wine and me loving everything that at least is a little bit unacceptable

acceptable as we are
we let our functions work properly and much more we do not share any secrets
sometimes the thought of that is frightening

amicable as we are
we both laugh and cry submit to our own fears and have simultaneous experiences have our do’s and our don’t’s some for the better and some for the worse why even care

lovable as we are
we shake hands and ceremonial gatherings our friendliness postponed to better moments and our likeabilities postponed to those dear to us

unforgettable as we are
we love our midnight conversations
thank god lack matching outfits and do not listen to the same music though we know what we are when we are together and know what we aren’t when we are seperated

dysfunctional as we are
lacking some sense in our lives yet somehow making it through each day

sightseeable as we are
we know where we are altogether honest and open
it’s a dirty world but we manage to survive with our evergrowing love fears and trust and wisdom overall intact

james – song for today, for PPs, VPPs and PFPs

hehe. song for today – james – the bangles.

for me and la, our past purges, very present purges and our possible future purges. (PPs VPPs and PFPs)

(yes, i have a PFP).

I knew it’d turn out like this
I’m keeping one foot on the train
I must be a masochist
to ever take up with you James
It sounds familar that tone in your voice
Your gonna quit James you leave me no choice

oh James
lettin’ me down again James

Well it wasn’t so long ago
I saw love in your eyes
And I think I should have known
but I’m feeling somewhat surprised
You think there’s someone better for you
You think I’m too young to see this thing through

I knew it’d turn out like this
I’m keeping one foot out the door
And I don’t think I should trust
that kind of love anymore
And now I realize I had it all wrong
I’ll only take this shit for so long

oh James
Lettin’ me down again
Guess it’s goodbye again
Lettin’ me down again
Lettin’ me down again