Hacking My Sleep

If you know me at all, you’ll know that I have a long history with sleep. Well, more correctly, a long history with not getting enough of it. For the record, this is not a sponsored post. This one was borne out of pure desperation to, again, get enough sleep.

At first, being used to not getting enough sleep worked to my benefit. As mom to an infant, I handled the interrupted sleep that goes with growing an infant into a kid, better than I expected. It worked to my favour again when I worked full-time and kept a night job for the purposes of paying the bills and learning more about the career I wanted to head towards in the world. It worked extremely well for me when I went into freelancing, because working until late into the night and sometimes the early morning…didn’t scare me.

It did, however, mean that when I was able to get a full 8 hours’ sleep, I’d most often wake up groggy and operate at a “less than ideal” rating for the day. My biggest issue is always winding my brain down so that I can actually fall asleep. I eventually managed to solve that using Melatonin a few years ago, and I now really enjoy my sleep.

sleep blog dog
Me at three pm, most days.

But life isn’t always conducive to getting seven or more hours of sleep a night. Our family schedule is a little irregular at the moment, and it often requires that the adults in this unit skimp on the number of hours of sleep. After a while, this wore me down, so I started doing some research into getting more quality sleep in a shorter space of time, so that I wouldn’t wake up feeling like I was a reversing tortoise most days. What was really not doing me any good, is that I’d feel awfully tired in the afternoons, and then have to fight sleep when it’s family time. By the time I actually got to bed, I’d be feeling wide awake again, and that’s about as useful as a tissue in a thunderstorm.

Enter the world of sleep apps, and my mate Dave. Dave is my, for want of a better term, sleep guru. He has battled similar sleep issues for a long time and uses a variety of techniques, including audio files, apps and other tools to get the sleep he needs. He’s been incredible in sharing his wisdom with me (and many others), so if you ever want his advice, pop him a message. At the rate that people responded to my recent Facebook post about it, Dave may as well be a sleep DJ by now. Thank you, my friend. I appreciate you so much!

On to the apps
I’ve been trialling a sleep cycle app called SleepyTime. My friend Jane uses the iOS version which you can download here (tip: they’re free for Android and iOS). It’s pretty straightforward: you input the time that you would like to wake up or go to sleep, and it tells you the optimum time to go to sleep or wake up. You select what I call the “sleep spot” that you prefer and snooze. You can also ask the app to awaken you using your alarm, or tell you when you need to tuck yourself in.

Screenshot_2015-08-18-06-27-37

How it works
The app takes the maths out of figuring out your optimum sleep cycle. That’s great news for me, because I’m about as useful at sums, as I would be with painting a cityscape of Johannesburg (read: not even mildly talented). The app estimates that you’ll take 14 minutes to fall asleep, and then tacks on the average sleep cycle of 90 minutes, but you can adjust these settings within the app if you think you need to.

What’s changed for me
I used to calculate my sleep in hours, but I’m now realising that actually, mentally, worked against me. Before, I’d be morose because I only managed to snatch four and a half hours of snooze time, but now that I’m calculating my sleep using actual cycles, I feel a little better about it. For me, knowing that I’ve actually had three cycles of full sleep in that time makes me feel better.

The result
I’ve used this app for about a week now, and I’ve been amazed by how refreshed I feel upon waking. Because I’m waking up at the end of a sleep cycle, I’m immediately more alert and aware when I get up to feed the dog, which will probably mean he won’t end up with coffee in his bowl again (he puts up with a lot, that canine). This has meant that while I’m not necessarily getting the length of sleep I need (I could sleep for twelve hours straight if I was left, nowadays) I am getting good quality sleep, and I haven’t really battled with the afternoon slump as much.

Moving on
I’m going to be trying out a few other sleep apps to help me along. On Dave’s recommendation, I’m going to check out:

The part where I give up coffee.

Insomnia. Lack of sleep. I have it. I call it my kingsomnia because it actually rules my life.

And, yes, before you ask, this is a chronic situation. It’s not like “oh my, I didn’t get my full 8 hours last night, I need an apple” feeling.

It’s a “if I get five hours a night I am lucky” kind of situation.

And people say “you know, you should just relax”.

Yeah, sure. Have you met my life?

Anyway, this isn’t the place for whining today.

Other people say “well, why don’t you just take some sleeping tablets?”

Um, short answer is no.

You see, I refuse to take a sleeping tablet when I am the only adult in my home (and, sometimes, I wonder, if I’m the only one in my immediate vicinity of life).

So why don’t I sleep?

Simple really. I’m a chronic worrier.

I worry. About the shit you don’t even think about.

Here’s my nightly mental conversation (be warned, it’s a clusterfuck)…

Ooooh pillow finally. Wonder if I could’ve finished that before I turned off my computer. Wonder what’s happening on Twitter. Mmm. Cam didn’t tell me to tweet today. Maybe she’s not feeling well. Oh my sack. Why is she not feeling well? Maybe she had a bad day. Maybe she’s not happy. OH MY GOD MY CHILD’S NOT HAPPY.It’s because I work two jobs and don’t have enough time with her. Maybe her diet is lacking something. She eats enough fruit and vegetables. Does she? Is she really? OMG MY CHILD IS MALNOURISHED AND ITS MY FAULT. Fuck. I am a bad mom. I’ve made bad life choices. How did I get so lucky to have such a wonderful child? Is she growing up because of me, or in spite of me? Am I becoming my mother? AM.I. BECOMING.MY.MOTHER?…

*deep breaths, Cath, deep breaths*

Okay. Time to think about sleep. Sleep. Mmmm. It’s good. Is Cam sleeping? I don’t hear her. OMG I DON’T HEAR HER

*gets up, checks on Cam, who is snoring and sleeping with her legs in the air. much like my sister. genetic legs in air sleeping pattern in progress*

Okay. We’re all good. What’s next? Oh. yes. Sleep. Wait. fuck. lemme just have a smoke and calm down and then I’ll sleep.

*lights smoke. opens twitter*

Thank the stars every night, I do, for Twitter. Insomniacs of the world unite. I do love my friends.

*clicks links. @reply people. tell everyone i’m going to sleep and then don’t. heh. heads back to bed*

Okay, really now. It’s 2am. go to sleep, Cath. think about bunnies. or sheep. or whatever the hell works. Bunnysheep, maybe? Is that possible? Would they be called Baa-nnies then? Would they be hopping sheep? oh my sack. Imagine that, Hopping sheep. Cam would love that. Man I wish I could get her a pony. Would it be easier if she was growing up on a farm? Is suburban life really good for kids? Who ever said it was? Who the hell makes those decisions, anyway Have.I.Made.The.Right.Life.Choices!?

*okay. stop. think about something else. think about. well. that’s not for public consumption. think about the moment you were happiest in your life. ever*

It was raining. Heh.

*falls asleep*

***

You see, the issue isn’t that I’m not tired. Trust me, dudes, I’m tired. More tired than a hamster on that wheel, going backwards in time.

You see, the issue isn’t that I can’t sleep. Because, when I do, it’s deep and real sleep. The type that I’d write love songs about if I had the talent and it were appropriate. There are certain situations in which I am able to fall asleep very easily. None of these situations will be occurring again in the near or far future.

You see, the issue is that my actual power button does not work. My brain’s little “mute” knob has gone astray.

So, that’s why. I’m trying to remove stimulants from my life. My theory is quite simple: give up coffee. less caffeine in the system. less likely to fall asleep.

Four days in, and I’m not sleeping any better. Yet.

I’m waiting, brain. I’m waiting.

Will and Grace, Episode 1, Scene XI

This is my life…

SCENE XI: Will’s Office
(WILL is at his desk as GRACE enters.)
GRACE: Will, I am–I am so sorry for what I said back there.
[GRACE’S VEIL GETS CAUGHT IN THE DOOR, SNAPPING HER HEAD BACK. WILL UNCATCHES IT FOR HER.]
WILL: I know. It was mean, but… I know.
GRACE: This morning, on the way to the ceremony, Danny looked at me and said, “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,” and I turned to him and said… “you know, the limo has a phone.” It wasn’t right. He was a smart, attractive man who loved me… And who I loved, by the way. Why wasn’t it right?
WILL: Sweetie, remember in college, we saw that French film about a man and a woman that were perfect for one another, but they kept missing each other, and in the last scene, they meet on a plane, because that’s the way it was destined to be, remember? And you said, “That’s going to be me.” Gracie, you’re just in the middle of your movie. Danny was a plot point, a nice, decent, postcoital-high-5-ing plot point. There’s still time, you know. Go get some Raisinets.
GRACE: I like Red Vines.
WILL: Whatever you want. The point is, it’s not over. If your movie’s going to have a happy ending, you just have to see it through. Come here.
GRACE: Uh-uh.
WILL: [KISSING HER FOREHEAD] Mwah! What do you say we go get a drink?
GRACE: Yes!
WILL: What is with that dress?
GRACE: Oh, give me a break. I had 5 minutes to prepare for this.
WILL: Still.

SCENE XI: Will’s Office

(WILL is at his desk as GRACE enters.)

GRACE: Will, I am–I am so sorry for what I said back there.

[GRACE’S VEIL GETS CAUGHT IN THE DOOR, SNAPPING HER HEAD BACK. WILL UNCATCHES IT FOR HER.]

WILL: I know. It was mean, but… I know.

GRACE: This morning, on the way to the ceremony, Danny looked at me and said, “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,” and I turned to him and said… “you know, the limo has a phone.” It wasn’t right. He was a smart, attractive man who loved me… And who I loved, by the way. Why wasn’t it right?

WILL: Sweetie, remember in college, we saw that French film about a man and a woman that were perfect for one another, but they kept missing each other, and in the last scene, they meet on a plane, because that’s the way it was destined to be, remember? And you said, “That’s going to be me.” Gracie, you’re just in the middle of your movie. Danny was a plot point, a nice, decent, postcoital-high-5-ing plot point. There’s still time, you know. Go get some Raisinets.

GRACE: I like Red Vines.

WILL: Whatever you want. The point is, it’s not over. If your movie’s going to have a happy ending, you just have to see it through. Come here.

GRACE: Uh-uh.

WILL: [KISSING HER FOREHEAD] Mwah! What do you say we go get a drink?

GRACE: Yes!

WILL: What is with that dress?

GRACE: Oh, give me a break. I had 5 minutes to prepare for this.

WILL: Still.

sunday malaise

reading: fscking property listings, again. still, i’m hopeful. and peas on toast. because it keeps me hopeful.

listening: little earthquakes – tori amos.

drinking: that compulsory glass of milk.

eating: an easter egg with pink inside.

smoking: far too much nowadays.

thinking: sheena and i are living the same life in two different postal codes/my foot is still itchy in the same place it has been for two days now/that the people across the road are so frigging into dodgy things, its beyond a joke now/that i’m going to be forced to get up and go to the office on tuesday early to avoid people moaning/wondering how long they will take to notice they don’t have connectivity (it’s happened before, the record is two days)/my back hurts. waha/why is your car in my road?/la’s text message/my favourite book/i love the word nestled/i hate decision-making/tomorrow will be a good day with old friends/the sun better shine.

adding up: the numbers along the top row of that piece of paper. they are, of course, adding up to twelve.

in line of sight: curtain. left over right. (yet another fine example of the obsessive compulsive disorder that pervades every aspect of my life, and that i’m still okay with), the little green dragon, bryth (not a real one, mind. it’s only me who has smoke come out of their nose round these parts), milk – glass of, cellphone, ashtray, cigarettes, balloons – a lot of, and pen

typing: email back to cheryl. who is totally offensive, and i love how she does the code talk so well. laughing at her sick, sick sense of humour, and her way of asking “so, what’s news?” which totally translates into “go on then, tell me every piece of hot gossip, dammit”

wanting: a muffin. whats with the muffin fanship at the moment, cath?

wishing: i was in cape town for the free tibet protest tomorrow. seriously now, it’s about fscking time the fscking chinese left tibet alone.

congratulating self on: not biting my nails for an entire day today. kudos me!

posting: this oldie, from anm. sums up what’s mulling around my brain:

at some point perhaps we could sit cross legged,
facing each other.
(I have not felt this attracted to someone in years)
let’s go lie down in your houseboat…
venture in (with god nestled in the green carpet)
say things like “so have you read all these books….”
etc…
you will tell me tragic stories and try to fluff them
off as though
everyone has members
of their nuclear family die when they’re young….
and you will be so curious about how I handled
everything with
such dignity
(we’ll debate about whether it was dignity or denial)
I will then ask you the same.
and I may never tell you about the dream I had…….
you bought me olivia newton-john posters
and black lights
and I had you all to myself for an hour and I pushed
you
up against the wall and kissed you and it was
electrifying

good night. sleep tight. hope you got your chocolate rations in. 😉