/old post. never posted. may as well today as am slacking on the blog front. sorry/.
more than one year ago, i stayed up all night waiting for a fever to break. when i phoned and asked you to watch her, just for an hour, so that i could get some sleep before work, you told me you needed to be rested as you had a not-t0-be-missed social event.
more than two years ago, i held her, bleeding from the mouth in my arms, whilst you told me you had to leave to see a friend.
more than three years ago, as she left my body and entered the world, i told you i loved you. you looked at me like i had leprosy.
more than four years ago, you left me alone in the dark to wonder where you were, on the night i needed you the most. when i asked where you were, you told me it was none of my business.
more than five years ago, i realised that pleading had become my vernacular. you told me i whined too much, with big words used to cover up a life full of nothing.
more than six years ago, i was so proud and told someone. you hid me in the back garden.
more than seven years ago, i hurt for the loss of someone i hardly had time enough to know. you told me to leave them alone and focus on you, for a change.
more than eight years ago, i celebrated the beginning of adulthood. you sat there and acted nonchalant. i introduced you to people, so proud. you left early without saying goodbye.
more than nine years ago, i left you to discover a world with someone else. you sat outside my new house and told me how i didn’t deserve it.
more than ten years ago, i finally got brave enough to stand up in front of people and speak my truth. you feigned interest to my face…and never arrived in the room.
and still i forgive you. i don’t forget, but i forgive you.