It’s been a while, and a little quiet on the “notes from the universe” front.
There has, however, been a sudden influx of people into my life who used to know my parents.
It’s weird, really. They find me online and the comments range from:
“i remember you from when you were very little”
to
“your parents were an inspiration to me”
to
“it’s sad to hear that they are both no longer with us”
In some ways, this is hard for me. I’ve had to recently tell people who didn’t know of their passing, about it. That brings up all the emotional hell that is grieving, and it’s then that I realise, on some level, I’m still grieving. It shows up in strange ways and I accept that this is the way I deal with my grief.
In another way, these interactions absolutely swell my heart. They make me proud of who I am. Proud of the people who created me, significantly grateful for the legacy they left me. I’m even more heart-swollen when I think that Cameron was born into this rich, textured and often eccentric history. Cameron and my nieces have so much to be proud of in terms of their lineage. And, knowing their genetic dispositions, all three will probably (and already do!) display the same personal tenacity that both my parents demonstrated on a daily basis.
I looked at the three of them the other day, all sitting together eating pizza and I marvelled a bit. My mom told me once that the best years of her life were watching the three of us (my siblings and I) grow up. With that came the noise, the tumble and the laughter of three big minds in little bodies being moulded. I looked over at Cam and my nieces the other day and I just wished, just for that moment, that my folks could see them. My parents would live for those moments. Those rough and tumble, riotous play dates would be the joy of their lives.
It’s why I’m so thankful for the grandparent figures in Cam’s life that she does have. I didn’t really know my grandparents and yet, Cam is so close with hers. Her relationship with the grandparent figures in her life is something so tangible, reliable and comforting. It warms my inner heart to know that she has something I never really experienced as a child.
I know how absolutely excited my parents were to become grandparents. If I think about it, I can still see my dad’s tears (he wasn’t a man afraid to cry, gotta respect him for that!) and his firm grasp on my hand when I told them. I can still see my mom’s absolute shock and joy to know that the family was growing.
I well up with pride when I think about who I came from. Every day, I am grateful for the rich history they bestowed upon my life. Every day, I am thankful that, in some way, they continue in the children of my family. I am fortunate enough to know that I come from people who touched lives beyond my own. I am joyous that I get to be someone that I hope they are proud of. I know, in my absolute heart, that they would be intensely proud of their grandchildren.