“Basil: “Have you seen my wife make toast?”
Mimes a dragon breathing onto the bread.”
If you know nothing of Fawlty Towers, that’s okay. I was genuinely reminded of something last night and I thought it apt to write about it today. It being Valentine’s Day and all.
And yes, I am a cynical, bitchy cow sometimes. But, whatever. I spent a large amount of time in my life being a cynical grinch. For the past three years though, I have had overwhelming reason to celebrate. So I do.
In our life, the one we have together, as a funny and short trio of love, we love cheese. Not just on toast but, in life too.
So, yes, you’ll find us on Valentine’s Day doing cheesy things and giving cutesy gifts because we can. I have always been lame and unashamed. Nowadays, I get to be that, with company.
Why the Fawlty Towers reference today? It’s quite simple. When Shmoo and I had just begun dating, one of the most essential and dominant aspects of this relationship-in-blooming was…his ability to make me laugh.
I would be having a kak day at work. He would make me laugh.
I would be sick. He would make me laugh. And tea.
I would be worried sick over something that, usually, doesn’t matter a year later. He would make me laugh.
When my mom got seriously ill, and I did my usual shut-out-the-world-and-hate-everyone thing. He would make me laugh.
When I would use my Dragon Voice…he would make me laugh (and yes, that’s the Fawlty Towers reference above).
I didn’t ever make the path into my life easy for Shmoo. I am a grumpy, little-world-obsessed, overly dramatic and often insecure person. (yes, I said that out loud). Worse still, I’m needy at the point when it is least convenient. And I loathe that about myself.
I can be demanding, surly and rude, when pushed. I can be awful to be around (I’m just being honest here, no self-denigration) when I am a grump. I’m a writer – the worst kind of person to live with – because I live in my head 24/7 and battle to speak (but I write it down alright…)
But he sees through all that noisy rubbish.
So much so, that three years later, we have a life together that is full of laughter, reality, dirty socks left on the floor and shared bathrooms. We have routines and schedules, Excel spreadsheets and little family quirks that nobody really knows about and heck, they have no right to. We have designated spots on shared couches. We are, in that respect, three versions of Sheldon Cooper.
We have mutual likes (not just on Facebook) and distastes. Sometimes, we’re even brave enough to dislike different things at the same time.
I have felt, in life, at times, wholly unloveable. But his love, that expanded beyond just loving me, rubs away every instance where I felt disappointed, hurt or disillusioned.
He’s enabled us to redefine our family.
When the time came, sometime last year, for me to seek out a dream – a dream that I had held deep in my heart, because I was so utterly frightened that it wouldn’t work – he told me to go ahead and do it, without fear. I was still nervously shaking in my boots, whilst he just, very simply, believed. Some days, I still am a nervous nelly about it, yet he just keeps believing (even when I think I have failed – and I think that at least twice a week – I’m really not very nice to myself).
A friend of mine has this phrase she uses to describe commitment. She calls it “both feet in”.
The thing is, I knew he put both feet in, the moment he gave me a post-it note. What he’s proven, every day? Is that there’s not just both feet in here – There’s 3 hearts and 3 lives.
And somewhere, back in the last decade, there’s a girl who lived with Sheena, thought too much and pined for certain dreams to come true…that girl is smiling now. She had a head of dreams and not much to go on in reality. In 2013, her head of dreams and reality are mirror images.
Like I said to Sheena yesterday…”every single one of the dreams we yelled about in the blue bathroom…have come true”.
.you are a dream come true. thank you.