Dear Wankfields

Dear Wankfields,

We have had a longstanding and interesting relationship, us. This was spearheaded by the wonderful and supreme letting agent of all time, who I like to call, the Jerry Maguire of Durban.

He served me as my letting agent for a long time, and was frankly, amazing. Compassionate, understanding and completely on the ball. To the point, that I referred many, many clients your way.

He left your employ, and Jerry Maguired your asses. Hells, you deserved it. It was unknown to me, as you failed to communicate with me at any point, to let me know that my letting agent had left.

I continued to refer people to Wakefields however, and it was only after the astonishingly shocking service that they received from you, that we uncovered that Jerry Maguire had left you.

You still never bothered to contact me.

Every month, I receive a statement in the post from you. The first month, it had an extra amount of 1 cent. Yes, 1 cent, on it. I queried it in writing and with a followup call, and then left it. I mean, what’s 1 cent, right?

Shortly after Jerry left, my statements got all mucked up and you started sending me invoices for money I did not owe. We sorted that one out pretty quickly, well done.

Still the 1 cent remained.

Still I didn’t hear about Jerry having left your employ.

It was only when he, himself, contacted me, to tell me that his new letting agency would soon be taking over from you, on the command of the flat owners, that I truly discovered what a bunch of total knobs you really are.

For weeks, I’d also been asking you to come and get things fixed in the flat, but hey, you never responded.

You were such knobs. Honestly, you deserve the name I give you. Somewhere though, I held out hope for you, for a long time.

Today is actually the final confirmation.

So, I signed my new lease, and you still hadn’t communicated with me that the handover was happening. Haha.

It was only weeks after signing my lease, that you finally sent me a letter saying that the flat was being handed over to a new letting agent. Well done on communicating shittily with your client.

So, today, in the midst of the chaos that has been my work and personal life, I was a little shocked to find a statement from you, in the post.

It’s an invoice, sorry, the vocabulary is not my strongpoint. It’s meant to be yours.

You’ve just posted me an invoice for that 1 cent.

I want you to think about that, for a little while.

I queried it YEARS ago, and resolved myself to thinking “hells, what’s 1 cent?” Clearly, it’s enough for you to spend way more than 1 cent on posting this here invoice.

Now, tell me, would you like me to write you a cheque?