I really have nothing to be sad about.
I have a beautiful, wonderful beyond words, child. I have love. Enduring love that keeps me warm on cold nights and dances with me under sunshine. I have magnificent friends, who have the texture of home sewn through their interactions. I have a home I love, work that makes me feel like I am making a difference in the world. Work that lets me use my art in a way that makes me smile. Work that extends me, challenges me and rewards me.
I have a beautiful, wonderful beyond words, child. Awe-inspiringly strong, soft-hearted and polite. She’s clever, she’s straightforward. She’s honest, she’s polite. She’s exuberant but knows when the time is right to be quiet. She’s learning, she’s capable. She’s proud of her own achievements. She’s cuddly and loving. She’s lovable and has a unique view on the world. She’s never afraid to tell you it.
I have enduring love. Love that’s going somewhere. Love that loves me back.
I have magnificent friends. The type that know before I speak. The sort that are less guests, and more home.
I really have nothing to be sad about at all.
The only thing I have to be sad about. Is that my parents are not with me to see it.
The only thing I have to be sad about. Is that it isn’t always the way I want it to be.
And, I get that. I get that totally. Life isn’t about getting your preconceptions fulfilled. it’s about the rough and tumble of how it all mixes up together and, somehow, comes out rounded at the end.
I’ve been less the victim, and more the winner, in that respect. In every respect of life where I thought I would lose, I am winning. And not in the Charlie Sheen way.
And this thing? This life. This is how I want it to be. Solidly around me. I would change nothing but keep moving forward. I could stay still and let it wash over me.
That’s hard for me, sometimes, but I’m learning how to do it. It’s difficult when you’ve spent most of your life trying to stay one step ahead and now you’re in the space of life where it’s okay to walk a little slower.
I walk a little slower now. I’m more methodical. I’m not some batshit crazy person throwing her all into everything at all times. I’m just one hundred percent exactly where I am, doing what I’m doing, at that given time.
I’d always wondered what that felt like and now I’m living it.
I run on gratitude and I live by the flutter of the love fairies wings. I’m finally proud of who I am. I’m so grateful and thankful for everything, on every level.
I wish I had my parents to see it. I wish for the impossible thing.