from scratch, begin again.

a new year.

one i approach with trepidation due to my self-enforced lack of expectation.

being nervous is good. it’s exciting. it means something is about to happen. something’s always happening.

(no, really. expectation led me to so much again. i tried really hard last year. i learnt to let go, let in and let live. but, it was expectation that still tripped me up again so, this year, i’m going in eyes open and focused only what will be, and not what could be).

I want to open up. say yes more. say no less. feel more. do less. learn more. talk less.

I want to look upon this year as Wunderkind. Every day.

I want every day to be an opportunity, not an obstacle.

I know I am that princess on the way to her throne. I just need to keep walking that way, and not be dissuaged by distraction or things that bring me pain.

I want to grow more (this has nothing to do with my height, don’t worry, wah), have more random phonecalls without purpose but, just-because-dammit.

I want to stop apologising for myself. Even the parts I don’t like much. There are very few of those left now.

I am so incredibly blessed. I still don’t know how I got this blessed. All I am is eternally thankful.

Someone of whom I am watching sleep whilst I type this, said to me, that i am to be tolerated from up close, not from afar, as I had been previously led to believe, or had led myself to believe. I think he may just be right 😛

I want my happy place to be wherever I am at that time, and not be afraid to defend it when I have to.

I want my friends to weigh in, as they do. I want my family, the gorgeous children within it, to be garrulous like always.

Seek out my inadvertent heroes more, laugh with less concern, dance like i’m cleaning the house (round our home, we actually have ‘cleaning music’ and Cam and I jam whilst we clean), take less chances with my heart and more chances with my head. I want to smile more without worrying about when it will end.

Cam said: “it’s gonna be a new year. That means everyone gets another chance to smile”

Here’s to smiles.

And, for the CamFans out there (yes, I know you’re out there… :D)…

Here she is.

The world’s most beautiful girl. Who makes my every moment of breathing, living, laughing, crying, walking, talking, being me…always worth it.