i oscillate.

I oscillate between insecurity and not caring.

I oscillate between complete self control and complete insanity.

I oscillate between love and hate and life and death

Every morning I awaken and my mind spins around the concepts.

And, sadly, one cannot take a holiday from one’s mind.

I should not eat bananas before bed.

I should not drink four-sugared coffees before bed.

I should not smoke before bed.

I should not let my mind wander before bed.

It goes to places unreturnable and without deposit.

So

I oscillate between greed and contentment

Between envy and compassion.

Between wishing for the phone to ring and willing silence abounding.

And

I oscillate between the words in my head and the words being typed.

Between being just like you and just like me.

I have yet to find the balance.

I oscillate between wanting to and not wanting to.

Between strength and weakness.

Between being lost in thought and not thinking at all for days at a time.

I oscillate between wanting to escape and hoping I never end up away.

And

I oscillate between my fat and my thin.

My happy and my sad.

My loud and my quiet.

My lonely and my companioned.

My sleep and my wakeful.

My love and my hate.

My repetition and my never-to-be-sad-agains.

My intelligence and my stupidity.

I have yet to find the balance.

My biting my nails to the quick and my lack of habits.

My smoking and my clear lungs.

My fear and my solace.

My musty books and my sunny, fresh air.

My running and my walking.

My serenity and my chaos.

My love and my hate.

I oscillate.