Okay, okay, granted…I cannot stand that song. But, I am rather fond of Chris so when he does something cool, I support him.
A whole bunch of us have started making our Twitter profile pictures circular. It’s weird because it actually makes a difference in the way you view your stream, and it’s visually appealing. Such a simple change, yet very effective!
For more info, head on over to iMod...and make the circle bigger 🙂
And these are the thoughts.
I’m working on a little pet project at the moment that’s both (personal) and (with good reason). My reasons for them aren’t important here.
The thing that it’s come down to, is this. I’ve shared a lot of my life online. That has seriously declined over the past year, and I’m way more objective about it nowadays than I ever have been. I’ve become way more protective over my life. Sheena will laugh at this. A lot. I’ve always been a paranoid android about it, and had really good reasons for it. I let go a little a while ago, but now, I suppose with age and wisdom, I feel more of a need to reign it in.
And I do, and I’m happy with that.
I do, however, have an almost daily need to do things anonymously. More on that another day. Nothing nefarious, I just sometimes wish I could say certain things online and not have people know it was me.
I also battle to label myself. No labels actually really fit, for me. And I don’t like putting labels on other people. Shoving things into little neat boxes is a principle I can use in real life, with actual objects, but never with people. So, I’m not your typical mommy blogger, and I’m not your typical life blogger, and I’m not a lot of things. But, what I am, was, and who I aspire to be, is pretty defined for me. It’s firmly set in my head and I’m not ashamed of it in any way.
I know that there are things I love, and there are things I despise. I know, too, that these are adequately reflected in the way I raise my child. And, there again, there are things I’ll share online, and there are things I won’t. I won’t tell the world her secret life dream, but I will tell you how she danced in the sunshine with me the other day. I’ll tell you what she did to make me proud, but I never will tell you what she did that irritated me. Note – there are VERY few times where I get irritated with my daughter. I’m stupendously lucky that way, and I have no cotton-picking idea how I got so lucky. She really never requires much discipline. I hope against hope that that’s a fantastic combination of nature and nurture, but I actually think it’s got a lot to do with the fact that…I have a fantastically good kid.
(yes, I know, as a parent, we all say it…our kid is the best, our kid is the brightest etc etc…)
Anyway, my point here is, the name of me. By putting together the name of me, I realise that in years to come, her name will be tied to that same name. In that respect then, I actually, in some way, pave the way for how she will experience the online world. That’s a big thing, really. Who do you think initially shaped your view of the online world? She’ll enter the online world and already have people who know her through me. And that will be warm and welcoming, and exciting. At the same time, I worry it could feel restrictive upon her, once she hits teenagedom. That time where she enters the online world as herself, inches nearer every day, and I’m very aware of it.
But, seriously, I’ll worry about the adolescent years when I have to. Right now, I’m way too focused on enjoying every single moment of this sixth year. This sixth year of brilliance, independence and unbridled learning.
My main concern for her is that she never feels that pressure to be labelled, or the pressure to label others. I want her to live and experience her life as free to think and experience. I want for her to go into the world with a positive viewpoint, and a secure sense of self.
I realise, even more, every day, that all I can do to help her have this, above all things, is love her.
I realise I’m not writing much. Apologies.
It turns out that playing with Cam in the garden, talking with her about the differences between mammals and other animals (yes, really, she knows this stuff! I only learnt that in Std 2!)…is taking precedence over being in front of this screen.
That sometimes holding the hand of the man I love is more important than typing away trying to make sense of a world I still battle to understand sometimes.
That’s okay, I think. You think?
In the meantime though, know this.
That I’m still writing. You might not see it here right now but, I am.
It might not be on a piece of paper but, it’s in my head.
It might not be words yet but, it’s in my heart.
I’m not going anywhere, I’m just a little quieter than usual.
1. I have not changed themes on the old blog in ages.
2. Today was the day to do it. I hope you like it.
3. I do. Most of all though, it’s homegrown and close to my heart.
4. Why? Simple. Read this.
5. See that Author name? Recognise it? Thought you might.
6. I’m proud to be part of the team at The Forge.
7. Yes, that means that long after the world has gone to bed, I’m writing and working for The Forge but, I love it. I love it hard.
8. I work with great, inspirational people, who truly give a fuck about every nuance of the work they do. Yes, every nuance. Believe it. The people who made this gorgeous theme.
9. I’m proud to call them my friends, my colleagues.
10. And, hey, look at my blog. It’s gorgeous, right? That’s because of The Forge.
Yeah, I’m unpopular just for calling this post what it is.
I’ve thought about it alot, really, and Sheena can attest to this. I’m never going to compete for my writing.
I don’t have an issue with the process. I don’t have an issue with voting. I don’t have an issue with people who do campaign. I don’t have an issue with competitions. Hells, I’ve already nominated who I’d like to see win.
But, when it comes down to me and this little space? This little space is like my diary. It’s where I come home to, to make sense of the world around me and my life within it. I’ve made friends, felt love and it is a reflection of my life.
For me to campaign for a blog award, to me, feels like I would be asking people to nominate my life for an award. And, well, I don’t want or expect anyone to. It is what it is, and I share it as best I can. I don’t write it down for speculation. I write it down to capture it. I write it for Cam, so I can show her the journey one day. I write it for me, to remind me of where I have been and where I have gone, both in my mind and my heart. I write it for the person who reads it and who resonates. I write it for you, if you’re reading something and feel okay about something in your life because you know I’m in that space too. I write it as a part of me, and I’m never going to ask you to give me an award for being me. I have that award already, it’s five years old and is currently pretending that her CareBear is a baby sister, whilst they watch The Princess and the Frog, and eat a bowl of Coco Pops.
So, thank you for the nominations (I’ve seen them). Thank you for the votes, if you make them. But, most of all, I thank you for reading. I thank you for listening and I thank you for letting me write.
Big love,
Cath
stolen from Angel, Pinkhairgirl and of course, Glugster (for whom I have left some numbers out, just for shiz :D)
Bold = Yep, done that. Plain text = Nope, haven’t done that.
1. Started your own blog (numerous times, now that i think of it…)
2. Slept under the stars (happily and unhappily)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to DisneyWorld
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis (I can’t hey. I love watching them, though)
11. Bunjee jumped (not a freaking snowball’s chance in hell will i ever…)
12. Visited Paris (nearly, almost, once. i’m nearly thirty. guess we’ll scratch that idea of yours off the list)
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa at the Louvre.
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillowfight
22. Hitch hiked (please don’t tell my mom. eep)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not sick (yes, tis called a Ferris and I really miss them!)
24. Made a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Ran a marathon (same snowball, same chance, same hell)
27. Went skinny dipping
28. Rode in a gondola in Venice (i wish!)
29. Witnessed total eclipse
30. Seen a sunrise or sunset (numerous times. many more to come)
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace/ home of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish country (I’d take Sheena with me, for shiz)
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (for a while, yes)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person
41. Sung karaoke (oh, so very.badly)
42. Seen Old Faithful erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa (dude, live here. that is all)
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Taken a ride in an ambulance (unfortunately)
47. Had your portrait painted (Megan is killing herself laughing as to why this is hilarious)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower
50. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
51. Kissed in the rain
52. Played in the mud
53. Gone to a drive-in theatre
54. Been in a movie
55. Visited the Great Wall of China
56. Started a business
57. Taken a martial arts class
58. Visited Russia
59. Worked at a soup kitchen
60. Sold Girl Scout cookies
61. Gone whale watching
62. Got flowers for no reason (i am a lucky, lucky girl)
63. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma
64. Gone sky diving
65. Visited Nazi concentration camp
66. Bounced a check
67. Flown in a helicopter
68. Saved a childhood toy (Teddy Brown. I love that dude)
69. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
70. Eaten caviar
71. Pieced a quilt
72. Stood in Times Square
73. Toured the Everglades
74. Been fired from a job
75. Seen the changing of the guards in London
76. Broken a bone
77. Been a passenger on a motorcycle (ahem.don’t tell my mother. but she does already know).
78. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
79. Published a book (not just yet)
80. Visited the Vatican
2. Visited Jerusalem
83. Had your picture in the paper (yep. wah)
84. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve (once)
85. Visited the White House
86. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
87. Had chickenpox (twice. it can happen)
88. Saved someone’s life (I’ve been told so)
89. Sat on a jury
90. Met someone famous (only ever over breakfast. what’s that about?)
91. Joined a book club
92. Got a tattoo (numerous times, contemplating the next one)
93. Had a baby (yep. I reckon you’re aware of this by now)
94. Seen the Alamo in person
95. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
96. Been involved in a law suit (no comment)
97. Owned a cell phone
98. Been stung by a bee
99. Swam in the Black Sea
It’s been a while since i blogged properly. yeah, you know, the usual round of excuses but, here they are:
1. i have been fuckoff busy. no, really. this year, the year of Zen is Zen but, what I forgot to mention was that it’s FuckOffBusyZen. So, yeah.
2. I may or may not be diverting my latenight monitor tanning in the direction, sometimes, of my bed. The truth is, I’m working on that insomnia we all know and hate. Shmooshy has even assigned himself as my personal “gotosleepandstayasleep” guru-type person. It works. I slept for 9 straight hours on Saturday. As you well know, that shit just doesn’t happen with me. The divine sleep is undoubtedly helped along by the divine company.
3. A new thing I’m learning too. The power of laziness. No, really. Brainshutdown and do nothing. I do not have the innate ability to just do nothing. Like, watching the telly. Really, I don’t watch it. And, if I do, I’m watching something with Cam or probably being really useful and folding laundry simultaneously. And mentally scaling mountains. And probably tweeting about it. And hashtagging it. ROTFL at #laundryduty.
4. So, this being lazy stuff. It’s doing a hell of a lot of good for my stress levels. You see, by the time Friday rolls around, I’m probably an untangled ball of string every week. I have a lot of demands on my plate. That’s not a whine, it’s a fact. It’s how I roll and I cope with it. It’s how I rock it. And I am okay with it. But, yes, by Friday, it’s not uncommon for me to want to throw my hands in the air and middle-finger the planet. Hey, at least I make it look good and spend my time devoted to giving my all to whatever is in front of me.
5. Right, this is the part you’re going to hate. There are currently some frustrations in my life that I am plain old choosing not to blog about. No, it’s nothing bad that I cannot handle. But yes, for the sake of people I love, I’m not blogging about them. Right now, they are what I need to vent about but, I cannot and will not here. There’s no point and it would hurt someone I love very much if I did. So, I choose not to. And to help me alongwith it, Shmooshy is who I vent to about it. We do that. We co-vent. It’s awesome. *swoon*
6. I’m still a little awed. Recently, I was privileged and blown away by a large amount of my ‘friends who live inside the computer’ (thanks, Tertia, for that term!). The truth is, when faced with something so horrible, that I had not spoken of publicly, and then to be surrounded by love when I opened up about it, completely awed me. I kinda feel like I am fully strong and yet, anything I say next will pale in comparison. Am I making sense? I can’t even begin to fully explain the immense love and strength my friends have given me. In buckets of bucketloads. I am left wordless by all of your love and hey, that’s my sixth reason. It’s a damned good and awesome reason.
7. Cam. My daughter is amazing. With her great love for the world at large, and the people in her life. Her absolute exuberance towards each new day (okay, weekdays it sometimes wavers…i mean, who really ever wanted to go to school?!?) inspires me. As she grows, learns and flourishes in things I did not succeed at, at that age…I am left marvelling at her ability to overcome and to not give up. I am so proud of her tenacity and her excitement for life. I’m even prouder to report her new-found favourite thing…the starchart. Or, in our house, the Smileyface chart. Twas her suggestion, and we worked it out together – what she would get smiley faces for, and how often we would do them. She cannot wait to fill it, and get her big surprise. On that note, it better be a big one because she is doing so freaking well. Mamapride knows no bounds. As for the starchart thing, why don’t adults have them too? I am almost certain we could improve the planet ten-fold in one week, if we implemented starcharts for every adult too. Just a thought…Anyway, I digress. I’m making more of a conscious effort to truly be with my child. To be lazy with her, to lie in the sun more often and to just do nothing or anything. I see you looking at me, a bit cock-eyed whilst reading this because you may think I spend as much time as possible with her and I do try to…but, I feel her fifth birthday looming large on the horizon and am panicked. I cannot believe she is nearly five, and I just want to know that I have truly cherished every moment of her life.
8. A while ago. Someone with whom I am no longer friends (Sheena and Larcy know who this is) told me that I had no time in my life for anyone other than myself, my job and my kid. I made no apologies to this person’s very wrong assumption of me and happily deleted their email. And the one they sent after that too. And the one they sent after that, too, which begged me, after unceremoniously and without invitation, ripping into my life and demanding immediate attention, to give even more attention, when I barely knew them. That person’s lack of respect towards me, my choices and my life at large did actually bite though. And it left me doubting for a while that I actually could be all that I have to be, want to be, love to be, in this life. It threw me more than I would like to admit, at a time when I already felt thrown. It bit and it hurt and, for a while, it made me believe that I was not destined for anything more in my life. It made me doubt myself and my ability to truly commit to anyone beyond myself. It made me determined though, to prove that little doofus wrong. And, truth is, he was. (Wait, dude, do you still read this? Lol.) The truth is he was and is entirely wrong. And here’s why… The fact is that my boyfriend (yeah, you know, the clever, terribly talented, superhot, loves me and Cam like there’s no tomorrow one…yeah, that one!) and I both have busy lives. And we both respect each other’s lives. In fact, there’s no question about it. The absolute last thing I would ever want is for him to give up or sideline something important to him, for the sake of me. And likewise, the last thing he would want is for me to give up or sideline something important to me, for the sake of him. Cha. Look at that. Respect. And I learnt this entirely from him. The truth is, when you’ve been wandering the avenues of fuckwittage for as long as I have, you really become cynical and jaded about the whole process of relationships. And then, if you’re lucky, like me, you have the world’s most understanding listener walk into your life, listen to you and love you. Even at 2am when you have mad hair and cannot sleep. Even when you just need to scream and end up making ugly grunting noises over things that you cannot avoid and which annoy the living daylights out of you. My point here is quite simple. I’m not blogging as much because I’m busy holding Shmooshy’s hand under the table whilst we eat breakfast, get a little sunshine, be completely lame about each other and cuddle. I think that’s a damn fine reason for a little slump in number of blog posts per day/week/month/timezone.
Complaints? Questions?
I didn’t think so.
I know you’re still smiling for me as you read this.
Sat on my lounge floor this evening, colouring in with Cam and…
I realised that, a year ago, i had an enormous moment and i wished it would crush me.
It didn’t.
A year before that, and I was – well, I still do, oscillate.
This year, I thought it was about time I updated this.
I thank you for reading and for now, I bid you good night.
So, it goes without saying that my ex-fellow Shath-mate, Sheena, has officially opened the Nerdies 2010 for nom-nom-nominations 😛
Let’s get serious for a second – the Nerdies aren’t serious. That’s all there is to them. With sponsors coming in thick and fast, (you awesome sponsors, you, you little beauties…) all proceeds from the upcoming auction will go to
Now, if you don’t know about Wet Nose, you should. They do amazing work and are fully focused on every animal’s right to life. Animals in their care are not put to sleep, they stay with Wet Nose until they can get a new home. Should an animal be in such a bad state that it cannot be rehabilitated or in severe pain and suffering then our vet will humanely put the animal to sleep.
Wet Nose has been running for eleven years and has even spent time in beleaguered Zimbabwe, rescuing animals in need.
So, why am I writing about this? Simple. Five Noms gets me in. I don’t expect to win. Not even by a hair follicle. But, I do want you to get involved.
It’s all for a good cause, yes?
Yes! Go nom-nom who you admire and then keep your eye out for when the auction takes place! The furries need you 🙂
The b(l)og roll… scroll down a little, to the right… there you go, it’s under
reciprocate.
Do you read it? Do you get it? Do you ever click on through?
Are you pissed because you’re not on it?
Hehe. Some of you should be 😛
Some of you no longer have any reason to be 😛
My point is. I read these people. Every day. So should you.
(this blogpost is brought to you at 00h47. i will sleep sometime, promise).