I know, I know. You know that old adage…
“The shoemaker’s children are never shod”.
It’s true. As the world has swirled up and I write more and more for everywhere else (which is what we all wanted, anyway! so thank the stars for that!), so this blog of mine – the very thing I love and from which this all, originally started…has been neglected. I’m not here to make some wild promise that I’ll blog to make up for it, or here to delete the whole thing and pretend it never happened. Neither would make me happy.
So, I’ll beat myself up a little more and quip that, in September 2008, I blogged 22 times and, well, at that time, we were going through some pretty horrific stuff and I actually stopped blogging for a bit. Comparatively, this September? This is my second blogpost for this month.
Okay, okay, I’m done whining. So I’ll do this. I’ll make you a lovely playlist, and I’ll bore you with something I found. You ready? Good. Let’s do this.
The Playlist. Here’s a list of songs that are keeping me company this evening:
I have absolutely no idea why I like this song but, there it is:
This song sounds like it should’ve been playing in the background of my life in 2007. It reminds me so much of one of my favourite movies, that absolutely nobody likes to watch with me. Hah.
This song is almost perfect. The only issue I have with it is that – well – the live version is better than any other version in existence.
This is another song that sounds better live than it does on an album. Frankly, the album version is an embarrassment in comparison to this version.
Maybe that’s the point.
Maybe, as I’ve illustrated in the songs above, life’s better when it’s up close and messy, lived out loud.
I was chatting to a friend of mine this week, about loud emotions and responses to life’s tricksy situations. It was at the end of a day that had left me feeling frayed and gulping. But just talking to him about bigger life things, large concepts (that day had a little *too* much reality in it for me…) helped. It gave me perspective and, truth? When I’m gulping at the end of a day, I do need perspective.
The crazy, intimidating nature of messy, loud life emotions can make us want to cower and run away. But, if we do, we’ll just be stuck listening to those bland, album cut versions of the songs we kinda don’t like that way. I don’t think I was made for the clean cut hum of album tracks. Neither were you, my friend.
And then, that part from the past I promised you.
I was cleaning up my bookmarks the other day and, I found a bunch of things I published somewhere and then forgot about. This one is six years old. Forgive me, I was going through an “e.e. cummings” phase.
your hair smells like oranges this evening.
you put your little arms around me and say
“i love you mommy. i sorry i cried when you say no”
i look at you and kiss your head
we cuddle up on the couch
and watch the most annoying dvd of all time
(kidsongs. parents, just do not buy them. please)
you love it.
the singularly-expressioned children
with their silly songs
and little antics
i don’t care that it is giving me a headache.
this uncomfortable position does not bother me.
and you could not care that i have not showered yet.
not a single thing matters
not the bills on the table
the wolves at the door
not the deadlines
or the screaming phone calls
not what i did or did not
not how i looked or not
not the smile or the grimace
not a single achievement or failure.
everything in the world that matters
is snuggled under my chin
*csmj – 2008*